Waters of distinction

Kristy Mangos Arizona Daily Wildcat Water fountains in the lobby of the Marley Building are filled with fresh drinking water and ready for anybody thirsty to walk on by.

In this search, I went to places on campus I had no idea existed and other places that downright intimidated me. But to discuss all the fountains in all these places would bring this to a length of a doctoral thesis, so I must limit myself to places common to all, places of special interest and, finally, to the royal family of fountains: These are worth a trip across campus to experience.

The Student Union. As the focal point of campus, it's sad that it operates such insignificant and stingy wastes of metal. My advice is to skip this building altogether, but if you find yourself trapped here with a distinct case of dehydration, go down to Louie's Lower Level where the water is cold and cups are available to take with you. With very few exceptions, the rest are completely negligible.

The Student Rec Center. Here students lift, sculpt, flatten and sweat. Valuable fluids are being lost that must be replenished. What a shame that it's so hard to do with their weak, warm fountains. It's strictly BYOW at the RC.

Drinks with the President. The luxuries our leader enjoys up in the Administration Building is surely not reflected in his fountain as it is certainly no better than the others on the lower floors. No gold plating, there is more of a trickle than a flow and when I tried it, I couldn't help but tell Wynona the administrative secretary how bad it tasted. "I know," she said cheerfully, "that's why we don't forget these." In her hand was a bottle of Evian.

Bear Down Gym. This is old-school. My grandfather played basketball here. Hell, that's probably his dried spit on the fountains. Sure, the university has long since brought in new ones, but it's the originals I'm looking at. On the sides of the court, for example, are apses in the walls where protruding pipes give evidence of past fountains. They're totally worthless today, but are a poignant reminder of man's battle with thirst so long ago. In the men's locker room we find a phallic spout recessed deeply in a porcelain cave. The dribble is so small one couldn't touch it if one wanted to. Appreciate these. Just don't use them.

The Science of Cool. In the hallways of many of our science buildings are showers and double-spouted fountains which apparently are to be used by clumsy students who manage to get caustic chemicals in their eyes or on their bodies. I tend to see them as oases in the desert. Here one can find paramount refreshment. Chemists, if you insist on using them for life-saving purposes, please be considerate of the rest of us trying to cool down

The Creme de la Creme. All in all I found the options on campus rather lacking. There are some good sources out there, but it was rare when I knew that I had come across greatness. Here are the two that most stand out in my mind.

The runner-up is in the Psych Building on the 4th floor, south side, and it gives out such a strong, cold stream that it must have its own billing number with the Tucson Water Department. Here you're not drinking, you're drowning, and if you don't have enough dexterity it could take out your eye. Experience this one with care.

Only one brought out an audible gasp from me when I came across it. Located on the first floor of the Marley Building, it is part of a beautiful lobby and is more of a network than anything else. Two high quality fountains flank three vending machines and beside each is an oasis. These two showers dutifully wait to cool twice as many students, all the while others are able to drink freely or purchase other beverages or food. Bravo to the foresight of the architect when he planned this masterpiece! Clearly he had the wretched summer months in mind and as a result created the hands-down winner of this survey.

And as I walk my short route home, I start to believe that the distance to my house is directly proportional to the heat of the day. It's hot today. The innumerable gallons of water I ingested for this article are now pouring out of my sweat glands, leaving a snail's trail behind me. And I don't think I'll ever make it. As I continue my trek, my mind wanders back to the Marley Building and to that sanctuary in the front lobby. How easy life seems there. But perhaps that isn't the best source, for I now remember in my refrigerator in my air-conditioned house there is a bottle of water collected from a spring a world away from this desert sun.