Animal Crackers

By Joseph Altman Jr. Catalyst

Send comments to: catalyst@wildcat.arizona.edu

Wildcat File Photo Arizona Daily Wildcat

In one courtroom, a woman is suing her ex-boyfriend because he kept all of her belongings after she moved out. In another, a man wants $5,000 because his ex threw away his modeling portfolio.

It's all in a day's work for television's ever-growing assortment of judges.

Judges Judy Scheindlin, Joe Brown and Mills Lane are the latest jurists dishing out their syndicated forms of justice on a variety of channels. But the man who pioneered "The People's Court," the honorable Joseph A. Wapner, is back with a new twist on justice that's part courtroom, part circus and part "Jerry Springer."

All rise for "Judge Wapner's Animal Court," which debuted on the Animal Planet cable network last month.

The show takes a light-hearted approach to serious conflicts regarding animals, complete with the world's most recognizable bailiff, silver-haired Rusty Burrell, who is featured in the show's opening sequence making kissing noises and trotting after an animal that escaped his custody.

But stone-faced Wapner still maintains order, even as emotions boil over and two women argue over who let the plaintiff's cat escape while she was on vacation.

"That's a lie," one of them shouts as the bickering begins.

Wapner raises his voice and reminds them who's boss. "You know who determines if someone is lying? I do." 'Nuff said.

Besides, Wapner has more important things to do, like deciding whether to buy the defendant's claim that the cat escaped by opened a sliding screen door itself.

Wapner's no fool. The plaintiff wins $400 to replace the cat and another $1,000 for pain and suffering.

As was customary with "The People's Court," the parties step outside to discuss the judge's ruling. But without cool-headed Doug Lewellyn to keep things calm, the ladies start a catfight of their own.

"I went through hell trying to get that cat in!" the defendant shrieks as an argument dramatized by fast-moving camerawork ensues. "I can't stand looking at this woman," the plaintiff groans after accusing her neighbor of having a drinking problem. Oh, the drama.

But before we can get too excited, it's on to the next case: A pizza delivery man bitten by a Pomeranian. The suspect is present, but pleads the Fifth, innocently standing on a table. That doesn't sway Wapner. The pup's owner owes the delivery man money for medical bills - and a new pair of shorts.

"Judge Wapner's Animal Court" airs on Animal Planet Monday-Friday at 8:30 a.m., 11:30 a.m. and 4 p.m. Animal Planet is on Jones Cablevision channel 23 and Cox channel 21.