Instant ordination online

Anyone who's ever used MapQuest to calculate travel directions or accessed their student records on Student Link is well aware that the Internet, for all its chaff and commercial drivel, is often a useful resource which can sometimes cut down on the busywork of life. It also abounds in the truly bizarre.

Take, for example, the online site of the Universal Life Church. (http://www.ybi.com/ulc/index.html) , a congregation based in Modesto, Calif., overseen by a Pastor Kirby Hensley. The basic tenets of ULC include the idea that one may do anything one likes, so long as he or she "does what is right," whatever that means. The church also believes that every person is already a member of the church, though they may not yet be aware of this fact. As such, the church sees no problem with making any ol' person a bona-fide minister in the ULC faith.

That's right, you may become an actual reverend in the ULC, able to perform marriage ceremonies, preside over christenings and conduct funeral services. The free online ordination takes about 15 seconds to complete, and you even get a free printout of your Certificate of Ordination.

Other Minister Materials are available on the site, including a $5 ULC "Press Pass" and "Minister Window Shield," which can be a great advantage when trying to sneak into reserved parking lots. For the truly devout, various course degrees are offered, including "Doctor of Immortality," for $25 and "Doctor of Philosophy in Religion," for a mere $100.

A Web ring of ULC sites extends from the official page; various redemptive services can be found within the vast sites. Online confessions and instant prayers cleanse your soul, while the "Nominate a Saint" page may spark some creative gift giving ideas.

Do what is right; check out ULC online.