Wrestlemania A-OK

By James Casey
Catalyst
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catalyst@wildcat.arizona.edu

[Picture]

Aaron Wickenden
 Arizona Daily Wildcat

Creative writing junior Sam Lavelle gives the Undertaker's Salute in front of a live WWF broadcast in Cellar Monday night. Lavelle described WWF as "soap opera for men . . . finished off with piledrivers."


I like wrestling. I like watching 300-pound bald men jiggle around a ring in next-to-nothing, I especially like the fat wrestlers with S&M studded masks. I remember the days as a wee lad when I would idolize tag teamsters Demolition solely because of the bondage gear they donned before every match. Wrestling is an ideal entry level into the deviant world of sadism/masochism and all around sexual depravity.

Every Monday night in the cellar at around 9:30, weird sexual devos converge around the all-holy cathode ray tube to witness the latest depraved developments in the WWF. The WWF, for all you wrestling illiterate, stands for the World Wrestling Federation. In professional wrestling there are two major leagues, or "federations:" the WWF and the WCW (World Championship Wrestling). Both of these have an equal distribution of legends such as Stone Cold Steve Austin (WWF) and Goldberg (WCW). I like Stone Cold 'cause he swears and uses words like "hell." He even has a famous phrase: "and that's the bottom line 'cos Stone Cold says so!" How cool; I wish I had a phrase. If I did it would be something like "stop staring at my lazy eye and gawky leg you shit" or something along those lines. The coolest thing I've ever seen is a fat kid in the North of England who had a Stone Cold T-shirt that said "Austin 3:16" on the front whilst sporting a big "HELL YEAH" on the back. Oh man.

Wrestling night in The Cellar is full of those strange types that you knew in high school. They probably all play Magic and dress up like elves in their spare time. I enjoyed the wrestlefest and I'm sure to return next week. If only they had a professional croquet league event on Tuesday nights, I'm sure it would be just as fun.