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Observations from an easily-distracted man

As I walk to class, I am easily distracted. It makes me wonder if all that Ritalin my parents gave me wasn't just because they didn't love me. Even so, I've found that a short attention span can be useful; I notice things other people don't take the time to.

For the curious, here are some things I've noticed around the University of Arizona campus:

Pigeons = Tiny, flying mobsters

Skateboarders never seem to learn that there are better things to do with one's than have your body smacked against the concrete repeatedly.

The university has a tower with a clock that doesn't work and a tower with no clock that tells the time with bells.

A menacing, barbed-wire fence. A gaping, bleak hole in the ground. A sign proclaiming that all this is part of the "New University of Arizona."

There is a moment of time in every student's life when they think "Is that person on the bike going to hit me or not?"

Smiling, enthusiastic people offering people free T-shirts, hats, or phone cards, if only you could give them your name, address, age, social security number, average household income, and your consent for them to assign you a credit card with an interest rate of 35 percent.

Just about every stranger who says "hello" to you wants money. The others are people who you don't know, but claim to know you - and become insulted because you don't say "hello" back.

If you fell from the top of the staircase inside the student union, your body might end up inside the snack machine.

A man telling people that the God will bring peace and love to all the people of the earth - except for the homosexuals, who will face eternal pain and suffering.

A $60 bike lock protecting a $20 bike.

Despair.

One out of every 10 people have a metal object sticking out of their flesh - sometimes, not on purpose.

A woman walking into McClelland Hall. drinking, coffee, eating a croissant, talking on her cell-phone, and organizing her papers, all at once.

I wonder how bad the parking problem is going to get before students resort to getting an open space through heavy explosives?

There is a chance that a construction worker might be buried underneath the foundation of the new Student Union during construction.

How quickly those ad inserts in the Wildcat pile up around the Harvill building.

The love you take is equal to the love you - wait, someone else noticed that already.

An aircraft should be brought down as it flies over the U A with all the cell phones operating on campus.

Wherever there is loud, crappy music, there is a dorm room with an open window.

Some people aren't "jiggy with it."

Columns don't always have to end with something poignant.