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Puccini punishment

Sometimes, it seems that our fine university is well behind the curve of progressive education techniques. That's not to say that we don't have lots of people in ivory towers theorizing about what everyone should be doing with their lives. We've got lots of them. They are what makes any educational institution great. However, Eastern Connecticut State University has just started a new program so progressive that it should make all of us hang our heads in shame.

Starting next month, students who commit minor infractions at the small state university will not be cited or sent to a diversion program. Instead, they will be ordered to go to the opera or the symphony.

To begin with, this really is a punishment for some students. For the most part, those being sent to the embrace of high culture are there for violating elements of the school's drinking rules. Now, it's never good to make broad generalizations, but, in general, students who are caught drinking, and are stupid enough to get caught by the police for doing so, aren't the sort of people that go to the opera. If they don't want to go, then it's a punishment. It's too bad; the opera is wonderful entertainment. If they actually enjoy going to the opera, then it seems that they have managed to outsmart the system. We shouldn't even be trying to penalize such wily law-breakers.

More than most performances, opera is a fitting punishment. It's very polarizing; those people that enjoy opera really enjoy it. For those people that don't enjoy it, nothing could be worse.

Opera is good for people. It's rather expensive, sung in a foreign language and has to do with topics that most people really don't care about. It must be good for the same reason that PBS must be good. It must be good for the same reason that vegetables are good for you. It's an acquired taste - meaning that most people don't like it - and so it must be a good thing.

Of course, no one expects people to learn lessons from the opera. In general, opera is like 17th century soap opera. People randomly fall in love, kill each others' mates, fall out of love, kill their friends, have a loud, flashy naval battle for no apparent reason and then kill themselves. These are not the sort of things that we want students already in trouble with the school to see. However, opera will give students good messages through other means.

First off, a night at the opera teaches students to stay awake during classes. Puccini doesn't write the most exciting operas, and if you can keep interested through a three-hour production in a language you don't understand, astronomy lectures don't really make a dent.

Second, it will encourage people to associate with the kinds of people who don't get themselves into trouble for drinking on campus. We have all heard about the power of association, and this is an easy way for those among us who really need it to take full advantage. Of course, the people at the opera don't get in trouble for drinking on campus because they are, generally, sixty years old and live nowhere near campus, but that's really beside the point.

Hopefully, this will act as a deterrent against future minor infractions on campus. People don't like paying fines, but, assumably, the students have to pay for their own tickets, which is really adding insult to injury. This means that they are both paying a fine and having to pay with their time. Nothing is worse than having to lose three hours on a Friday night, and the word will soon spread around campus that no one should be drinking.

In the end, this situation is a win for both sides. Worst case scenario is that the students don't like the opera, and never want to go back there again. In that case, they make certain to never break the rules again. Best case scenario is that they enjoy the opera, and want to go back. In that case, they want to go back, they spend Friday nights there rather than drinking in the dorm rooms, and they support local fine arts. As Martha Stewart would say, it's a good thing.