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Trade Rocker? Oui.

It looks like John Rocker, the Braves' closer who infuriated the world with the racist remarks he made to Sports Illustrated last fall, is getting traded to the Montreal Expos.

Nice to know that irony is still alive and kicking in the United States.

Rocker, who voiced his displeasure with everyone from "queers with AIDS" to "20-year olds with three kids", made it plainly clear to SI that foreigners were not welcome in his eyes.

Now he is headed for a team in another country, and one with one of the highest percentage of minority players in the league. Felipe Alou, the Expos' manager, is Dominican. So is Montreal's best player, Vladimir Guerrero. Rocker, once at home as a "good ol' boy" in Atlanta, will become what he despises most - a foreigner.

The key to assimilating into French-Canadian society is learning the language.

So John, before you pack up your "warm huntin' jacket" and stockpile the Jimmy Dean Sausages for the move to Canada, I suggest you bone up on some phrases you may need to learn:

Je suis purdu. Quelle direction a l'assemblee du Klan? ( I am lost. Which way to the Klan meeting?)

That way, when Rocker gets lost driving through Montreal, he can accurately ask someone (hopefully someone larger than he is) how to get to his, um, meetings, on time.

Sacre bleu! C'est homme rouge est moins cher avec les dollars canadiens! (Wow! This Red Man is much cheaper with Canadian dollars!)

You see, John, there are some good things about Canada. With the decreasing value of the Canadian buck, Rocker can purchase all the dip, chew and snuff he wants for less money.

Je suis embrouille. Le Canada est s'integre? (I am confused: Canada is integrated?)

Don't freak out, John. This isn't your hometown of Macon, Ga., where "Whites only" signs hung on bathroom walls and water fountains into the 1960s. In Canada, blacks, whites, Canadians and French (known as "Quebecois") all live together in relative harmony. In fact, it's that way throughout most of the United States. Get used to it.

Hideki, quelle langue parlez-vous? (Hideki, what kind of moon-man language are you speaking?)

Rocker's new teammate in Montreal will be one of the league's most controversial players, Japanese reliever Hideki Irabu.

Irabu, who played with the Yankees from 1997-99, barely speaks English, preferring instead to communicate through a translator. I'm sure the two pitchers will get along great in the bullpen.

Est-ce'que vous en montez le jous? (Can you put gravy on that?)

It just goes to show that you can take the redneck out of Atlanta, but you can't take Atlanta out the redneck. Get used to crepes and croissants for the rest of your life, Johnny.

Finally, the one phrase you need to learn before you get thrown around the locker room:

Je suis desole' (I'm sorry).

Between Alou, Guerrero, Irabu, and the other players on the team, you're gonna have to talk fast. I suggest you learn how to apologize in Japanese and Spanish, the languages of your teammates.

Enjoy Canada, John. Just remember who the foreigner is now, redneck.