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Stock market bingo

Everyday, one of the top five stories on the evening news is the activity of the stock market. In breathless anticipation, we wait to find out if it rose or fell, and we are constantly astounded, no matter what it does.

For a time, this sort of attention was warranted. When the market was in a great surge, when it was cruising past 10,000, then, we should have been paying attention. Now, when everyday brings a fluctuation of 100 points or more, there is no reason to pay such close attention to the markets. We are continually amazed by the numbers, but that is mostly because we have no idea what the numbers actually mean. The space and attention that is devoted to the analysis of the random fluctuations of the market would be much better spent in trying to actually understand what's happening.

The pain never ends

In an interview in People magazine this week, Maria Bartiromo announced her candidacy. Upon hearing this, two thoughts should come immediately to mind. First: Who? Second: What?

To begin with, Bartiromo is the star financial reporter at cable news network CNBC. Exactly how much of a star that makes her is disputable, but she is certainly well known in some arenas. Those being the arenas in which CNBC is broadcast - a lot.

It seems that her dream position is to work with Regis "Satan" Philbin on the Live! show, which Kathie Lee "Work Harder! Cody needs a new pony!" Gifford is leaving after 15 years. Gifford, of course, previously held such high class jobs as that girl who sings on "Name that Tune." After her long, long tenure, we're all looking forward to a change. A financial reporter would be different. But that doesn't mean it's a good idea.

So, Regis, just because you want to move away from Kathie Lee doesn't mean that you have to go to the other end of the spectrum. Our suggestion: that "Fukui-san" guy from "Iron Chef." That's entertainment.

Too much public awareness

Colon cancer is bad. We can all agree that people should have their doctors examine them for colon cancer, so that it can be detected early. We all agree that the Today show's month-long public awareness campaign is a good thing. Sometimes, however, public awareness campaigns can go too far.

For Today show host Katie Couric, colon cancer is a very personal topic. Her husband died of the disease two years ago. In order to demonstrate that the procedure for detecting the cancer, a colonoscopy, is relatively painless, she had one on the air.

That's just wrong. Operating rooms have those little curtains around them for a reason. That weird "ER" show on TLC is on late-night cable for a reason. Medical procedures do not make fun television. Even worse, the Today show is on during breakfast. Katie Couric is cute and all, but no one wants to watch her intestines while eating pancakes.

However, the story does have a happy ending. Hospitals report a flood of patients coming in for the test, many of them for the first time. Many of them talk about the Today show segment, and how it caused them to go through with the test. For some, it seems, the show has had benefits. There's got to be a better way to do it.

A note from the North

Up in Ontario, our friends, the wily canucks, are stalled in a debate over their version of Medicare. The states - no one is really fooled by that "provinces" crap - don't want to pay for it, and the federal government wants them to.

It's a boring debate, but there are some redeeming factors. First off, the head of the Health Ministry is named Allan Rock, so we can always picture him talking about what the hospitals are cooking before beating the crap out of some Quebecois. Moreover, and more importantly, there is no chance that Al Gore will be president of Canada come November, and that makes their politics look really attractive.