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Commentary- Welcome to the team, Mark

Today is a big day for me. After months of waiting and hoping, I have picked up a new member of my team. He's big, can catch a pass and is facing third degree sexual assault charges.

You see, I am the official general manager of the Jackass Hall of Shame, a collection of the worst people in sports today.

In a press conference held today on ESPN2, I will present Green Bay Packers tight end Mark Chmura with a trophy and place his bust in my hall of shame.

You see, Chmura got caught banging his kids' baby-sitter last weekend at a post-prom party. The girl is 18 years old and, oh yeah, Chmura is married.

Chmura, who showed up at his baby-sitter's post-prom bash with a 42-year old friend of his, took the baby-sitter (literally) in the bathroom, tore off her clothes, and sexually assaulted her while her parents slept upstairs.

Chmura, who does commercials for United Way in the Green Bay area, becomes yet another athlete mired in a personal scandal.

But don't worry, Mark, you're in good company.

Padres left fielder Al Martin was arrested last month after it was found that San Diego's right fielder had two wives. He claimed that the Las Vegas marriage to his second wife, Shawn Haggerty-Martin, wasn't real. The courts have since proven him wrong.

When talking about athletes and sex, it's impossible not to mention Anthony Mason's name.

The Charlotte Hornets forward has been caught in numerous sexual problems including minors. The most recent accusations had Mason and his wife soliciting a 14-year old girl for three-way sex in a waffle house two years ago.

Cleveland Cavaliers' forward Shawn Kemp and Karl Malone made the hall due to their accomplishments in their sport and their failures off the court.

Kemp allegedly has eight illegitimate children, nearly one for every year he's been in the league. Malone, the Utah Jazz's perennial All-Star, allegedly fathered a child with a fourteen year-old girl in Louisiana over a year ago.

The charter member of the racist wing of my hall of fame is the greatest defensive end of all time.

Former Green Bay Packer Reggie White made the team because of his intolerance alone. At a meeting of the Wisconsin House of Representatives, White claimed that Asian-Americans and Hispanic-Americans are special because of their spirituality and Asians' ability to "turn a watch into a computer in no time."

Rounding out the hall of shame is the narcotics and prostitute pavilion, where statues of New York Rangers defenseman Kevin Stevens and Yankees designated hitter Darryl Strawberry adorn the halls.

Stevens, an NHL veteran, was caught with crack-cocaine and a prostitute in a gang-infested neighborhood of East St. Louis, Ill.

The crack whore was allegedly shocked at the amount of cocaine that Stevens was capable of doing in one sitting, calling him a "crack monster."

Strawberry, who has a history of cocaine problems, was arrested by an undercover cop two years for soliciting a prostitute while posessing the drug.

So welcome to the club, Mark. I hope the high-school tail was worth it.