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Unconventional news

By Lora J. Mackel
Arizona Daily Wildcat,
August 8, 2000
Talk about this story

Last week's Republican convention certainly turned out to be one of the most exciting in decades, and one of the most surprising. Early in the week the Republican political heads were declaring that this would be a convention unlike any other, and did they ever deliver on that promise. Is this the beginning of a kinder, gentler Republican Party? Only time will tell, but here are few of the week's highlights.

The week started out with a bang, as the first lady of Texas gave a speech on the finer points of post-modern feminism in the 21st century. She concluded her well-received speech by declaring "A vote for George W. is also a vote for me, Laura Bush. Buy the one get the second fully capable and involved politician for free. Needless to say, I will not stay home and bake cookies." In an interview later on that evening, Mrs. Bush was asked which first lady she admired most, and shocked many by declaring, "Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt."

The theme of inclusion was touted by many Republicans. They pointed to the speeches of Colin Powell and countless other minority members of the Republican Party who were invited to speak. The first night, there was nary a white male to be found. In fact, the evening's only low point was when it was announced to a disappointed public that Louis Farrakhan had canceled his scheduled appearance.

As at every political convention, the press was in pursuit of a convention-funding scandal. In lieu of a real disgrace, it was discovered that the Republicans were in the pocket of the U.C.P.R.A., or the United Cultured Pearl Retailer's Association. It seems that in exchange for pearls, the Association was granted huge sums of money and unprecedented access to Republican leadership. The lady of the party wore their shame about their necks.

All the harmony left members of the press bereft of their usual sought-after squabbling. The Republicans, despite their attempts to keep the convention tightly scripted, did not manage to keep a lid on the protest against the lifestyle of Rep. Jim Kolbe. It seems as though the Texas delegation was angered by the Arizona statesmen's openness about his cat ownership. One Texan summed up the feelings of the protester by declaring, "Republicans are clearly dog people, and will, world without end. We did not walk out so as not to embarrass Gov. Bush, but we will pray silently in out seats, until Kolbe renounces the evil lifestyle." It is to be noted that Kolbe's speech was on free tree - his area of expertise - and not the feline-owning lifestyle.

Yet another surprise in the convention was a rare show of solidarity with gay and lesbian constituents. In one of the biggest surprises of the week, key members of Republican leadership linked arms with gay advocates declaring loudly, "We're here and we're queer." Quite a departure from the last election and the Republican platform.

The theme nights really seemed to resonate with the delegates. One night that seemed to strike a cord with Republicans was national defense night. Esteemed speakers, including retired Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf and media darling John McCain, gave their outlook on the state of the National Defense. Gen. Schwarzkopf's speech, given from the deck of the USS. New Jersey, decried the recent poverty felt by defense contractors. "Is there dignity and honor in this great country of ours," he asked, "if the defense industry has to bed for corporate welfare?"

McCain, who followed the general, echoed his concern for the national defense. But the real gem in his speech was his glowing assessment of Bush's character, which he delivered with all the feeling and enthusiasm of an automaton.

All this excitement built to frenzied pitch in anticipation of Gov. Bush's acceptance speech. But before the governor ever took the stage, the convention's new star, George P. Bush, gave an address in both English and Spanish. The young man, who is en fuego right now, has been actively campaigning for his uncle, trying to attract younger voters. George P.'s efforts are paying off: Bush is ahead eight percentage points in the polls with 13- to 18-year-olds.

Finally, it was time for George W. to speak. He took the stage, and his face was contorted in an effort not to appear smirking. Soberly, he began, "My fellow Americans, I have come before you tonight, to talk about issues close to my heart. These issues are social security, education, civil rights, childhood poverty, the criminal justice system. These issues have not traditionally been the issues of Republicans, and therefore it is with much sadness that I regret to inform you that I am leaving the party. It has been after careful consideration and prayerful hours that I have come to the conclusion that I am a Democrat." Tearfully, the governor then fled the stage, leaving in his wake a stunned crowd. And then there was the a lone voice from the back of the convention hall. "Gore, Gore, Gore!" The crowd grew louder and louder.

Needless to say, the Christian Coalition left the hall in search of Pat Robertson. Behind they left a crowd of young Republocrats. No word yet if Gore has accepted the Republican nomination.

Lora J. Mackel can be reached at Lora.Mackel@wildcat.arizona.edu.


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