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Do You Love It? I love it. I bought it at Ebay!

I know, I know, you really hate your new roommate, and the idea of possessing just five square feet of space is not appealing to you at all. In short, dorm life can be a downer. But cheer up, because by now you will have probably discovered one of its perks: Ethernet, that super fast internet connection provided by the university. So, stop complaining about the dismal living conditions and use that T-1 line to improve your life in the dorm. How? Ebay (www.ebay.com), of course, that hugely popular on-line auction which is the best place to find those irresistible treasures that make any dorm room feel just like home.

Start with the walls. Ebay offers a huge variety of posters, artwork, music groups, pin-ups or whatever it is that you love are all there. Movie posters are the real finds. With few stores selling posters and limited inventories for on-line poster-selling sites, Ebay is a godsend to all moviephiles. Older movies like Fritz Lang's "Metropolis" or "Citizen Kane" can easily be found and purchased for a good price. If the 80's Brat Pack is more to your liking, posters of every movie starring Molly Ringwald are simply a few clicks away. One can bid on posters for Stanley Kubrick films, now more valuable after his death, including an "Eyes Wide Shut" poster that once graced the side of a bus. And, some incredibly foolish person who bids $450 on an autographed "Cruel Intentions" poster may actually win.

In the it's-great-if-you-can-afford-it category, Ebay auctions all those wonderful technological gadgets that distract you from studying. DVD players (currently going for around $200), VCRs, computer software and hardware, and stereos are risky but enticing bids. There is no guarantee of quality nor is there a guarantee that they will work, but any technology at all helps a dorm room feel less like a cell.

The internet even offers a cure for all your gripes about buying textbooks. What you need can be found on Ebay and sometimes for cheaper than those at the Student Union Bookstore. Even a Norton Anthology is going for under five dollars. As an added bonus, you can read your really inexpensive textbooks in the comfort of a $12 Blue's Clues Thinking Chair that plays the theme song to the show when you sit on it. You may even want the inflatable chair with KISS on the back, perhaps ($34.99 and rising).

Ebay gets a whole lot weirder than inflatable KISS chairs. Miss your pets at home? Bid on an inflatable goldfish in a can ($1.99, no bid yet) or an inflatable sheep. Need school supplies? There is a lovely Dinosaur Dung Desk Pen Set for the low price of $16.99. Or perhaps you desire the truly weird stuff, like a fun house mirror, a UFO lamp, or a human soul which comes in either excellent, good, or slightly tainted condition.

This is not even the beginning of it. Nearly anything you want can be found on Ebay and usually at a good price. So mold your dorm room to fit your needs by bidding on Ebay, and make sure to keep your annoying roommate away from the Alien Fetus Preserved in a Bottle, only $2. But hurry because there are only a few hundred left. Happy bidding.