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Better than the 3rd grade

Editor's Note: Phil Villarreal, whose column usually runs in this space, was sick last week and unable to write his column. Villarreal's 8-year-old illegitimate son, Skippy, will fill in for him today.

Hi,

every-

body!

It's me, Skippy, again. My dad was way too sick to go do important stuff like go to classes or buy alcohol for his friends who aren't 21, or even write stories.

So, he asked me to fill in for him this week by going to classes for him and writing his article in the Wildcat.

He's had a real bad fever, and he's been coughing up green stuff. Plus, he gave me the car keys. How could I turn him down?

I asked Dad what I should write about, but he didn't give me a good answer. He kept on mumbling strange things like, "I need to collect data." I think that he's - what's the word? Dollar-e-yes?

One thing I noticed this week was how much fun I had. You guys don't know how good you have it. Take it from me - someone who has to deal with spelling tests every week.

So I decided to write about all the reasons that it's funnier to be in college than in third grade.

Reason Number 1: More nap time.

I haven't gotten to have a nap time since I was a little kid, two years ago in Ms. McNally's first grade - and even that only lasted for 10 minutes.

In college, people take nap times any time they want to. In my dad's psychology class, half the people decided to take nap time for the whole hour. And after nap time in college, you get to go out to recess!

Reason Number 2: You get free crossword puzzles.

Maybe it was just 'cause I'm too young to go to college, but most of my dad's classes seemed pretty boring. I didn't want to listen to the things they had to say most of the time. But, there's free newspapers in lots of bins all around campus with crossword puzzles in the back. They are too hard for me to do myself, but I can copy off of anyone sitting around me, since they're always doing them too.

Reason Number 3: No one makes you swish and spit.

Every Tuesday at 11:45 in Mr. Johnston's class, a big fat woman in a nurse's outfit comes in with a tray full of little cups of fluoride stuff, then hands the little cups out to everybody. Then, we have to swish it around in our mouths for a whole minute and spit it out. That stuff burns my mouth. Gross!

But at 11:45 last Tuesday, when I was in Dad's business management class, no fat lady came in with a fluoride tray! I was so happy. I asked the guy sitting next to me if there was anyone at all in college who swished and spit. He nodded and said, "sorority girls."

Reason Number 4: Classes aren't every day.

My teacher is ugly. He has bad breath and a raspy voice, too. For five hours every single day, I listen to Mr. Johnston talk. About math. About reading. About social studies. About spelling. About penmanship. No day is ever different, and all any of us can ever hope for is that he stops talking and lets us play silent ball.

My dad has some ugly, annoying teachers, too. But college students only have to listen to them for an hour at a time, and then only two or three times a week instead of five. I can't wait till the year 2010, then I'll be in college.

And you all will be raising third-graders.