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ESPNot tonight, honey

Valentine's Day is supposed to be the one night of the year when guys across the country stop acting like, well, guys.

For just one night, men everywhere are supposed to take their girlfriends (or wives) out for dinner, maybe a movie and some dancing. I was one of those guys.

Two nights ago, I took my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner at a local Mexican place. We were seated near the bar, and I instantly switched into my "date" mode - showing off the one percent of my personality that isn't constantly revolving around sports or music.

I was on a roll. And then it happened - from across the room, I saw her and instantly fell in love. It was an old flame - we had been together many times before. I had cried with her, laughed with her and watched with a grin on my face as she entertained me many an evening.

My girlfriend, Kim, saw it, too, and turned red with jealousy. She had caught me checking out someone else. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

Her name is ESPY.

That's right, ESPN decided to run its annual ESPY awards show on Valentine's Day, a night when few males would be at home. This left men all across America with a tough decision - go out and miss what has been called "the Oscars of the sports world" or stay at home, angering their mates.

I tried to do both - and failed.

The television at the bar was showing the awards show with no sound, but I watched anyway.

For the better part of an hour, I kept one eye on my date and the other on the awards. Attempting to read lips from the TV while nodding my head in the "conversation" I was having with my dinner companion.

I quickly showed my ineptitude at juggling the two, answering the question "How's your dinner?" with "Lemieux as player of the decade, that's ridiculous!"

I'm shocked she didn't walk out on me at that very moment. Needless to say, the rest of my Valentine's Day was spent hopelessly trying to make up for my errors - my little mistake ended up costing me the dinner tab, roses and dessert.

It was worth it.

I got to see Dick Vitale cry.

I just don't see ESPN's logic. There is only one night ALL YEAR when most guys have to do "the date thing."

They should have scheduled the awards ceremony for a night when the viewing public, most of whom are guys, were free to watch.

I bet I know why the geniuses at ESPN scheduled the event for Feb. 14 - they didn't want to go out on Valentine's Day either.

Sorry Kim.