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It's games over dames, any day

By Sean Joyce
Wednesday November 28, 2001

Now that most of the year has passed and we head into first-semester finals, I would like to take this space today to write about an epiphany I had last week. The shining moment involves two of the loves of my life: girls and sports. When it comes to sports, I consider myself knowledgeable. With women, however, I'm a bumbling idiot.

It's been an interesting year in both regards. I was treated with a Final Four run by the UA basketball team and a late-season surge by the New York Mets. My favorite pro football team, the New York Jets, currently sit atop the AFC East. Everything seems to be falling into place.

Except for girls, of course.

When it comes to the girls in my life, this year has been the biggest headache in an endless cycle of revolving headaches.

Of course, there is the girl who has the drug addiction, the one who I can't trust and the one I am in love with but too scared to do anything about. It's been a banner year for me, as you can see.

So the last few weeks I've been wondering: Are girls really even worth all of this trouble?

Sports are so much easier to deal with.

Whether it is a Mets game, a round of golf or pick-up basketball, sports are truly my first love.

Sports are the one thing in my life that won't lie, cheat or complain to me, which is much more than I can say for a lot of girls I have known.

So I have compiled a list of 10 reasons why sports are better than women, or at least not as big of a headache. Some might be better than others, but some women are better than others, too. So here they are:

10) Playing golf for four hours is a great way to spend a day. Walking around the mall for four hours isn't.

9) Sports don't complain when I play other sports.

8) In football, scoring in under two minutes is considered an accomplishment.

7) You and your friends can all watch sports together.

6) You can play multiple sports in the same day.

5) In basketball and baseball, you can go right from high school to the pros. If I looked for a high school girl, I would go to jail.

4) Your first trip to Yankee Stadium is unforgettable, more than I can say for most first dates I've had.

3) The Jets don't tell me to be quiet when I criticize them.

2) You can play sports every day of the month, if you know what I mean.

1) The Mets won't leave me for someone else.

O.K. So I'm sure a lot of you will say that I am juvenile, an idiot or probably both. To be honest, I'm just trying to be funny, which is a lot harder than it may seem.

The purpose of this column wasn't to bash women, because I know, somewhere out there, lots of normal ones exist.

But they're as elusive as a Mets' World Series title.


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