Arizona Daily Wildcat
Thursday, February 24, 2005
|Shawn Patrick Green|
Meiffren: “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”
I’m sorry, but I live in a world where awards are given to movies that actually deserve the praise they get. Screw everyone in this category, except “Finding Neverland,” and I didn’t see “Sideways.” But I especially hate “Million Dollar Baby.” Fuck Clint Eastwood. Yeah, I said it.
Dawson: “The Aviator”
Every single year, the epics win best picture, so why should 2005 be any different? The same dinosaurs choosing the nominees also choose the winners, so I better start kissing up to them now if I’m ever going to get my Oscar.
Alexander Payne, another brilliant artist out of Omaha, made a simple love story about a character (played masterfully by Paul Giamatti) far more interesting than any of the subjects of the biopics it will compete against on Sunday night. It didn’t try to be epic. It’s always better that way.
Green: “Finding Neverland”
The nominated movies this year must have had a bet on which could be the longest and most boring. “Finding Neverland” was fortunate enough to have lost that bet, which is as good a reason as any for it to win.
Meiffren: Johnny Depp
I voted for him last year, and I will vote for him again — even though he has a snowball’s chance in hell of winning. He’s too sexy for this category, and probably too sexy for any category.
Dawson: Jamie Foxx
There’s no way this man will lose. And if he does, Los Angeles can expect yet another riot, but this time, instead of just black folks, rich movie stars and other well-off filmmakers will take part in the looting.
Buchik: Jamie Foxx
While I hate to give the award to someone from such a mediocre movie, Foxx deserves the award for doing more than an imitation (see Cate Blanchett’s performance as Katherine Hepburn). However, Paul Giamatti would have gotten my vote had he been nominated.
Green: Johnny Depp
He deserves this one simply because the academy screwed him out of winning last year for “Pirates of the Caribbean.” In my opinion, if you can’t win for playing Keith Richards the pirate, you shouldn’t be playing the game.
Meiffren: Kate Winslet
She was in “Eternal Sunshine.” She had multicolored hair. She was hilarious and tragic. Plus, she is a great method actress. For this role she became an American, locked herself in her trailer and drank herself into a stupor. Inspiring.
Dawson: Hilary Swank
I honestly preferred Kate Winslet’s performance, but Hilary fits the designated Oscar-winner mold and already won one for playing an ugly boy. Therefore, I guess she deserves another for playing a butch girl who could pass for a boy. Bureaucratic bastards!
Buchik: Kate Winslet
Both Jim Carrey and Winslet deserve some credit. But I hope Kate can get to the podium to thank Michel Gondry for creating a film that will be cherished for generations, while “Million Dollar Baby” and “The Aviator” will sit with “A Beautiful Mind” on the $5.99 table at Best Buy.
Green: Kate Winslet
“Eternal Sunshine” needs to win something, so it may as well be this. Plus, all the other actresses were in a bunch of girlie movies that I couldn’t “appreciate.” Also, she’s done nude scenes, and I give my humble, everlasting support to actresses who’ve done nude scenes.
Meiffren: “You Got Served!”
Every time I think about this movie, I want to give the filmmakers a piece of my mind (the nasty piece), snap my fingers, scream the name of their shit movie in their faces, then yell “I wanna get served!” And then demand that they service me.
Unfortunately, more bad than good films are made every year. Although all the nominees deserve this one, I give it to “Catwoman.” Halle Berry should have pulled out when she got a look at the costume and when she found out the director went by only one name. The warning signs were everywhere, Halle!
I watched this on DVD over winter break. Well, I watched the first 30 minutes of it, and fast-forwarded through the rest. Those 33 minutes were enough for me. Jack Black and Ben Stiller sounds like a good team (check out their TV pilot “Heat Vision and Jack”), but a script sometimes helps.
Green: “The Chronicles of Riddick”
This is the worst movie until Vin Diesel’s “The Pacifier” comes out next week. Seriously, is he taking the Hulk Hogan acting career route? How the producers decided that Riddick needed “Chronicles” is beyond me, although I think it must have involved alphabet soup and a Ouija board.