Of jugs and justice: Anna Nicole heads to D.C.

By Susan Bonicillo
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Thursday, September 29, 2005

Why does this sound like the premise to a really bad movie?

Busty blonde ex-stripper with a heart of gold and a Vicodin habit the size of Qatar seeks to receive the money rightfully accorded to her from her late husband in compensation for her loving and devoted care for him during their four months as man and wife.

However, the only roadblock that stands between her and taking a hefty $474 million inheritance from his estate is her scheming former son-in-law.

The battle for this nearly half-billion-dollar inheritance is thwarted at every turn. One court awards her the money, while another court overturns that court's decision. Our heroine is desperate. She has no other recourse but to take her legal fight all the way up to the highest court of the land.

As ridiculous as it may sound, it's not a pitch for a made-for-TV movie for UPN. It's the recent saga in the life Ms. Anna Nicole Smith, our favorite, overly medicated Trimspa model with breasts so big small children seek shelter in their shade from the sweltering sun.

The Supreme Court (yes, that Supreme Court) starts their nine-month term next week, and among the cases they have decided to hear will be the case of Vickie Lynn Marshall (Smith's real name) v. E. Pierce Marshall (the aforementioned evil son-in-law), case number 04-1544.

It's been said that the only difference between Washington, D.C., and Hollywood is just that Washington, D.C., has really unattractive people in it.

Now, with this recent court case we can bring the glamour of Hollywood to the stolid and staid halls of the nation's capitol.

Think of the publicity that this will cause. Sure, Michael Jackson's case earlier this year was big news, but he never made it to the federal level.

The combination of these two worlds, of the skankalicious train wreck of a woman with a group of people who probably haven't had a sexual encounter since the reign of George I (with the exception of Thomas) will undeniably be one of the oddest and most surreal juxtapositions in our life.

Think about the implications, the scandals, the opportunities for many a bad late-night talk show jokes.

They're nine (almost) of the most brilliant legal minds in the land.

She can count to 10 on a good day.

They've taken oaths of office that binds them to their desk unless retirement or the ruins of old age takes them.

She's been known to boink the elderly.

Stay tuned to CourtTV for this case to see why the world views us as dumb Americans.