Hungry students everywhere, it is time for you to rejoice. The new Highland Market is now open, and it's ready to please that special spot in your stomach. The market is an amalgamation of coffee shop, deli and convenience store; students could not possibly ask for anything more. Watch out U-Mart, the new Highland Market is breathing down your aging neck.
Although at first it might seem that the Highland Market is just another key venture for the UA to gouge students out of their precious cash, in reality it isn't. The Highland Market was created by the university to provide a candy land of great deals, convenience and just plain-out awesomeness for its students.
The prices at the Highland Market are a dash lower than those of the U-Mart and although it is not much, at least it is something. For all of today's college students, those pennies can add up in making the difference between buying a 40-ounce or a 40-pack of Heineken. Money management is considerably important in college, and it is essential for today's collegiate to understand this.
Let's say you finish working out and decide your stomach deserves a tantalizing treat. The Student Union Memorial Center might be too far to walk for that treat, so instead you head over to the market. You grab a Banquet Salisbury Steak TV dinner, and the price tag says $2.45. It's a good thing you went to the market, because the exact same dinner at the U-Mart is a whopping $2.59. That's a 14-cent difference, my friends, and I frankly don't know what kind of inflation is going on over on the north side of campus. Maybe those U-Mart bastards thought they could get away with such a vicious covert operation, but Private Investigator Moe Naqvi is on top of things. The Highland Market is a pretty, cozy market created to help us lowly college students save some dough.
Well maybe you're saying that you don't like Salisbury steak dinners. Then how about gum? Everyone loves gum, and in that case, boy do I have some urgent news. Don't go to the U-Mart for gum. One pack of gum with five sticks is an outrageous 59 cents there. The good ol' market has the same gum for 35 cents. From big meals to small delicacies, the U-Mart is the real source of gouging students.
The food is not the only item that the U-Mart overprices, it's also the hair picks. One red hair-styling pick at the market is a wonderful 65 cents. Uh-oh, when I went over to check, the U-Mart did not even come close to challenging the market's price. The pick at the U-Mart is 99 cents. Unbelievable, I'm absolutely appalled.
As one can clearly see, the Highland Market has amazing deals and is a much better store money-wise than the U-Mart.
Aside from the low prices, the market is better because it also has items that the U-Mart just simply does not carry. Sometimes people don't want to eat regular mayonnaise; maybe they want egg-free, dairy-free, cholesterol-free and preservative-free Original Vegenaise. The market has just that, whereas the U-Mart only gives an individual a choice between the tedious regular mayonnaise and low-fat mayonnaise.
Along with mayonnaise come cookies. The market has Newman's Own Ginger-Os; yummy creme-filled ginger cookies. Bummer, the U-Mart has no such tasty tidbit.
These lack of products prove that the U-Mart business does not care as much about its customers as the market does about theirs. The U-Mart is an insensitive store that can only be described with one word: jerks.
The U-Mart and Highland Market should have the same prices and products, but it doesn't look like the U-Mart is up to such a challenge. The market knows how to get customers to come their way, and I wouldn't be surprised if business sales start going down for the U-Mart next semester.
The Highland Market is hands-down the champion of on-campus stores, and everyone should run, walk or dance there soon. Don't let the U-Mart take over your soul - now there's another store to do that.
Moe Naqvi is a physiological sciences freshman. He can be reached at email@example.com.