The Year That Was: Some Top Ten Lists

Arizona Daily Wildcat
Thursday, January 20, 2005

Yes. We know. You've had it with year-end lists.

The unfortunate thing is, we at "GoWild" don't usually get to publish year-end lists because there's no printing during the break. We asked Brett (our new editor-in-chief) for a special issue to come out on Dec. 31 featuring only Top Ten lists, but he didn't like the idea.

We were faced with two options: forget the lists and move on to real stories, thereby wasting a chance to fill our pages with flufftastic opinions, or assemble the greatest and most powerful people in the world to make fantastic lists and notes about the year behind us.

We tried to contact a couple people (Stephen Hawking and George W. Bush), but I guess they're busy. So we just had our writers come up with some lists.

Top Ten Lists Records by "The" Bands

1. The Streets A Grand Don't Come For Free
2. The Arcade Fire Funeral
3. The Fiery Furnaces Blueberry Boat
4. The Walkmen Bows and Arrows
5. The Hives Tyrannosaurus Hives
6. The Libertines The Libertines
7. The Futureheads The Futureheads
8. The Stills Logic Will Break Your Heart
9. The Liars They Were Wrong, So We Drowned
10. The Unicorns Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?

Top Ten Biopics

1. The Motorcycle Diaries
2. Ray
3. Finding Neverland
4. The Aviator
5. Hotel Rwanda
6. Kinsey
7. Beyond the Sea
8. The Passion of the Christ (This is still terrible)
9. De-Lovely (This sucks, too)
10. Alexander (This still sucks)

Top Ten Overexposed People of 2004

1. Paris Hilton
2. Ashlee Simpson
3. Starr Jones (Any exposure is too much.)
4. Scott Peterson
5. George W. Bush
6. Lost Boys of Sudan (We get it. Your lives sucked.)
7. The Arcade Fire (The backlash has to begin sometime. Why not now?)
8. Any 3rd Rate VH1 Comedian
9. Boobs (Lindsay Lohan and Janet Jackson)
10. Bridgitte Nielson and Flavor Flav

Top Ten Underexposed People of 2004

1. Paris Hilton (More sex tapes, please)
2. Eskimos (Especially Eskimo kisses, not enough jokes about that)
3. Hipsters (Seriously, can't you recognize how awesome these people are? Copy them!)
4. Ralph Nader (Maybe if you'd have taken some of that sweet corporate money, things would have been a little easier)
5. John Kerry
6. 3rd Rate VH1 Comedians who used to be on MTV's "The State"
7. Any Black musician who is not an MC or DJ (Except TV on the Radio. You're at14:37, guys.)
8. Jon Stewart (we can't get enough of that shit)
9. Joe Thompson from Wisconsin
10. Saudi Women

Top Ten Deaths 1. O.D.B.
2. Marlon Brando
3. That "Law & Order" Dude
4. Dan Rather's Career
5. Superman
6. Susan Sontag, and her attitude
7. Rodney Dangerfield
8. Ray Charles
9. Ronald Reagan
10. Johnny Ramone

Top Ten Fads

1. Being skinny
2. Drums that sound like lasers
3. Pogs
4. Far-Right Christian Conservativism
5. Far-Left Self-Righteous Liberalism
6. Indie Rock (Rap-metal should be back soon, though)
7. Pimping your ride (Why support that lifestyle? You're all morally bankrupt...)
8. Crunk
9. Loving abortions/being against abortions
10. Reading "Go Wild" (We are so over)