Queen-size pantyhose provide warmth, jeers for reporter

By Joshua Dalton

Arizona Daily Wildcat

Which is more uncomfortable: a suit and tie, the required dress for many professional men, or pantyhose and a skirt, the required dress for many professional women? That was the question posed to me, along with a challenge to test it. I've never been one to shy away from a chance to appear frighteningly abnormal, so I volunteered to be the guinea pig of this twisted experiment.

I had no idea that pantyhose options were so varied. Besides the choice of shade, I also had brand, style and size to consider.

After having a small amount of trouble figuring out the difference between queen and queen two (queen being for big women and queen two for those even bigger, I guess), I decided on a pair of black, queen, No Nonsense pantyhose and strolled to the checkout.

The cashier was a friendly woman who didn't even give me a strange look, let alone


a doubletake. I found that a minor surprise, considering my purchase.

Alas, her open-minded attitude was not mirrored by my fellow students upon arrival on campus. Due to a challenge from a friend, I wore shorts, exposing my pantyhose-clad legs. There were many people that could not help stealing a glance at the sheer energy wrapped around my legs. But look was all they did. No one accosted me, asking with dire curiosity what the "krunk" was I doing. Even a friend of mine, who looked down rather disapprovingly, said nothing.

The Wildcat newsroom was a completely different story. A prerequisite for attendance that day must have been jeering me about my appearance. Still, there were those who came to my defense, after getting in a jest or two first (many thanks to Jon Burstein.)

In regard to the hose themselves, by the end of my second class they were getting to be fairly annoying; I had to yank them up farily often. I also got two runs in them by catching my leg on the pedal of my bike. Positively though, I was warm. All that my snowboarding friends had told me about wearing nylons was true.

Still, at the end of the day, I enjoyed removing my synthetic skin. My legs felt free again, free and recalled to life. Despite my relief at their removal and the silent and spoken mockery, the conclusion I have reached is that, if given the choice between a pair of pantyhose and a suit and tie, I'd choose the hose.

You May Survive is a regular feature of Thursday's alterNation arts section, in which Wildcat reporters take a little risk and brave unusual situations or commit acts that readers may or may not want to take part in themselves.

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