Last Friday's Wildcat was one of the most interesting and informative in the history of the paper. When I started reading the letter to the editor by Mr. James Bretney, my jaw dropped. Bretney starts his letter by informing us that he had a hard time keeping vomit from coming out of his nose while reading "Police Beat." That caught my attention.
He goes on and harangues all the evildoers at the university and informs us that "Police Beat" serves to protect the "law-abiders" by "punishing and persecuting the scum" (who presumably are the non-law abiders). Next, he informs us that even those who have been judged not guilty are really guilty anyway since they have obviously tricked the judicial system by using some commie, pinko ACLU lawyer.
After blathering on for awhile longer he ends with his key to good behavior. "If you're doing something that you wouldn't want Jesus to see, don't do it." Now I'm scared to pick my nose or go to the bathroom.
Of course, I had to turn to the "Police Beat" to find out what caused all this bile to spill forth from our young law-abider. One glance at the "Police Beat" brought it all into focus. The first story was about a self-abuse terrorist who made a pest out of himself by masturbating for the "benefit" of a victim in the Modern Languages restroom. I was struck by the sensitivity the victim showed as he allowed the self-abuser to continue on for 10 minutes until he finished , before the victim reported it to the police. Apparently sensitivity training at UA is paying off.
Thanks to the vivid description provided by Wildcat reporter Laura Ingalls, I now understand why "Police Beat" causes vomit to rise up to the interior passages of the righteous.
College of Agriculture Courier
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