Build a Mount Graham monster truck


After reading both Shane Jimmerfield's letter (August 30) and Nick Woolf's letter (Sept. 2), I feel compelled to address the subject of the Mount Graham observatory project.

Jimmerfield indicates that more studies are needed to discover the real environmental issue. The observatory won't have any discernible impact on the plants on Mount Graham, nor on the animal life. The real environmental problem of the observatory is it's tremendous weight. The short-sighted engineers that designed the observatory didn't take into account how much their so-called "building" would weigh. Walls are constructed out of very heavy materials and rumors persist that the astronomy department is thinking of housing an extremely massive telescope in the building, rather than using it as a "Superfunky Love Nest" as previously reported. This shows a total lack of responsibility on their part. Doesn't Mount Graham support enough weight as it is? If God had wanted there to be really heavy things on Mount Graham, He would have put them there. Do we see these really heavy things? No, of course not. Most of the things on Mount Graham aren't all that heavy at all. Not that I'd like to go lift them, but, really, we could defoliate the place in under a year. No problem.

However, there is a way to satisfy both sides. By mounting the telescope on the back of a really big tractor trailer, it could be possible to move the telescope around on the mountain, thus minimizing the weight applied to any one point. Also, we could get a really good stereo and take the Large Binocular Telescope cruising through downtown playing really loud rap music (perhaps by 2-Levy-Shoemaker). Later, we could take it to a monster truck rally and have it jump over 15 Nissans while Rumbleasauras BREATHES FLAME AND THE SUPERCHARGED FUNNY CARS GO SQUEALIN' AROUND THE TRUCK VROOM VROOM VROOM!!!!!!!! WE'LL TAKE MOUNT GRAHAM AND TURN IT INTO A GIANT MUD PIT SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! KIDS FREE! YOU'LL BUY THE WHOLE SEAT.BUT YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE!!!!!!!

In this way, we could satisfy both the horrible twisted desires of the astronomers to look at the stars and the heroic, brilliant insights of the environmentalists who say we shouldn't cut down trees that have already been cut down and that we shouldn't kill any squirrels that nobody wants to kill.


Jason Corley

Mathematics Junior

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