Learn how to dance, slacker!

By Tim D'Avis

Arizona Daily Wildcat

Being the assimilated trust-fund pop punk that I am, I should find the rise of "Punk Rock" in popularity as threatening to my poseuriffic lifestyle. Such is not the case.

For me, this is an opportunity ripe for storytelling the waving of the "old school" banner, whatever that means. I yearn for the day when I will be in my rocking chair, the fireplace aglow and twenty sleepy children gathered around me in Green Day nightshirts, recounting tales of how I was on the Offspring's guest list once. I can tell of how all these bands that I loved once labored in obscurity, strange as it may seem.

For me, this is insurance that I can turn on the radio with slightly less trepidation they could be playing Mariah Carey, or they could be playing the Ramones. You never know, because this is the nineties and people are very open-minded about the music that they listen to. They want to hear everything from Phish to Rancid, from Kravitz to Snoop Dogg, and dammit, that's a noble sentiment! I say give it to them in spades. For every Nirvana, a Bush and a Dig! For every Green Day, a Buzzcocks and a Ramones!

People claim that Green Day isn't punk because they don't sing about the Queen, they sing about getting stoned. Please refer to the Ramones' first album (exhibit A) a revered Punk classic that is exclusively about boredom, geekdom and intoxication. Both bands have equally foreign-sounding accents (native to no land, but not exactly phonetic American English either) and equally simple chord progressions. In fact the only way I tell Green Day and the Ramones apart is by their looks (Green Day is in Tiger Beat, the Ramones . are slightly less photogenic).

Though the insignificance of this debate is daunting, I will press on. Ask yourself: "Being the educated, sophisticated musical connoisseur that I am . would I rather have my younger brother or sister listening to Green Day, Nirvana, Pearl Jam and the Offspring or would I want them to listen to the Bodyguard Soundtrack?"

In all honesty, Punk Rock as a movement was dead and gone with the last whispers of early hardcore music. Punk Rock as a style of music was never really defined (although many people are tripping over themselves trying to do that now), and Punk Rock as a youth marketing ploy is alive and well. All this means is that there may be a place for interesting, guitar-oriented music on major labels and in major music markets in the near future. Some bizarre, deformed version of the music that I love has become popular and that's enough to give this trendy pseudo-intellectual a bit more spring in his step.

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