On Oct. 3, O.J. Simpson was acquitted of the murders of his ex-wife (whom he had a long history of physically abusing) and her friend, who appears to have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. The irony in this is that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Unfortunately, for victims and survivors of domestic violence, every month is domestic violence awareness month. I know this is true, as I am a survivor of domestic violence. Although I escaped my abusive husband five years ago, I still bear the physical and emotional scars that he inflicted upon me.
I believe that the acquittal of O.J. Simpson will send the wrong message to perpetrators of domestic violence and to their victims. The message to the perpetrators is, "It is acceptable to abuse your partner." The message to the victims is, "Give up. Nobody cares."
Ordinarily, I prefer to keep my past as a battered wife hidden. You would not be able to tell just by looking at me that I used to be married to a man who, on several occasions, strangled me and bashed my head against the wall, or that I once jumped off a second-story balcony because my husband was coming up the stairs to beat me. Or that I used to cower in a corner in the fetal position while my husband punched and kicked me. The only reason I decided to uncover my past is to (hopefully) undo some of the damage that O.J. Simpson's acquittal will undoubtedly do to people who wish to end violent relationships. I would like to send the right message Ÿ "You can get out of a violent relationship and there are many people who do care."
Not all victims of domestic violence end up homeless or dead. Many of us survive and build better lives for ourselves. When I was married to my husband, I knew I did not deserve to be treated this way, but I was terrified that if I ever left him, he would find me no matter where I went and kill me. He was a Marine, and in August of 1990 he was sent to the Middle East to fight in the Gulf War. During the eight months he spent in the Gulf, I saved my money so I could afford to leave the state of California and be able to support myself until I found work. I knew that if I stayed in California and if he found me and killed me, he would probably get away with a slap on the wrist, since domestic violence cases are not taken as seriously as other crimes. However, if I left the state and he crossed state lines to kill me, it would be a federal offense and he would at least have to answer to that. So that is how I ended up living in Tucson, a place I had never even visited before in my life.
I had always wanted to go to college, and after leaving my husband, I no longer had anyone around telling me I couldn't do it. So, exactly one year after moving to Tucson, when I became a legal Arizona resident, I applied for admission to Pima Community College. It had been 12 years since I had graduated from high school, so I figured a community college was the best place to start. I just transferred to the University of Arizona this year as a junior. I am an honors student in Molecular and Cellular Biology. I hope to attend grad school and become a genetic engineer. I never would have guessed five years ago that this is where I would be today.
If you or someone you love is being abused, I have something to say to you. There is hope. Victims of domestic violence are not doomed to a life of hell. It takes a huge amount of courage and a little planning, but a bright future lies ahead.
And if you still think nobody cares, or if you would like more information, then e-mail me at huffp@u.arizona.edu. I will respond to all, and I check my e-mail every weekday. I do care.
Paula Huff is a molecular and cellular biology junior.