near the edge


You can hear the cries of frazzled students echoing through the great halls of learning this week.

Some are being bored to death in their lecture classes, fantasizing that the overhead projector will miraculously combust. Computers are eating term papers like candy and resumes are glutting the mail system.

I think other students are being tortured in a pit below the administration building, having the life sucked out of them by some diabolical Dust-Buster. Just a hunch I'm working on.

There doesn't seem to be any other explanation for the misery. I've seen scads of students mumbling to themselves about exams, relationships and general neuroses this week.

It's tense out there.

It feels like we're drowning in a whirlpool of despair with only one distant thought for comfort .

Spring break.

Who ever thought up spring break anyway? Was it started so that farmers' children could plant beans in the springtime? I want to know because longing for it is killing me.

The sun is out and if you listen closely, you can almost hear the sounds of summer.

Spring break is a big teaser. Instead of having four months of sedate, uninterrupted misery, we get a taste of freedom to make us really hate existence.

If I didn't know any better, I'd bet it was a communist conspiracy; some wretched plot to make all major tests and papers due before spring break, just in time to smell the orange blossoms.

With my major crumbling before my eyes and the semester grinding me into pulp, I alternate between feeling like curling up into fetal position and going on a shooting spree at Luby's. To quote my favorite movie, "I feel really . scared."

To cope with the pain, I suggest a one-minute primal scream to take place today at noon. Wherever you are, just take a minute out of your busy day to freak out.

It's cathartic, trust me.

Okay, I admit it's a silly thought, some 35,000 people screaming at the same time. But you could make it a social event for your friends.

Say something like, "Hey guys, let's go scream on the Mall then grab some yummy food at the Fig."

Think of it as a health kick. It beats cardiac arrest.

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