Learn how to dance, slacker!

By Tim D'Avis

Arizona Daily Wildcat

Being the assimilated trust-fund pop punk that I am, I should find the rise of "Punk Rock" in popularity as threatening to my poseuriffic lifestyle. Such is not the case.

For me, this is an opportunity ripe for storytelling Ÿ the waving of the "old school" banner, whatever that means. I yearn for the day when I will be in my rocking chair, the fireplace aglow and twenty sleepy children gathered around me in Green Day nightshirts, recounting tales of how I was on the Offspring's guest list once. I can tell of how all these bands that I loved once labored in obscurity, strange as it may seem.

For me, this is insurance that I can turn on the radio with slightly less trepidation Ÿ they could be playing Mariah Carey, or they could be playing the Ramones. You never know, because this is the nineties and people are very open-minded about the music that they listen to. They want to hear everything from Phish to Rancid, from Kravitz to Snoop Dogg, and dammit, that's a noble sentiment! I say give it to them in spades. For every Nirvana, a Bush and a Dig! For every Green Day, a Buzzcocks and a Ramones!

People claim that Green Day isn't punk because they don't sing about the Queen, they sing about getting stoned. Please refer to the Ramones' first album (exhibit A) Ÿ a revered Punk classic that is exclusively about boredom, geekdom and intoxication. Both bands have equally foreign-sounding accents (native to no land, but not exactly phonetic American English either) and equally simple chord progressions. In fact the only way I tell Green Day and the Ramones apart is by their looks (Green Day is in Tiger Beat, the Ramones . are slightly less photogenic).

Though the insignificance of this debate is daunting, I will press on. Ask yourself: "Being the educated, sophisticated musical connoisseur that I am . would I rather have my younger brother or sister listening to Green Day, Nirvana, Pearl Jam and the Offspring or would I want them to listen to the Bodyguard Soundtrack?"

In all honesty, Punk Rock as a movement was dead and gone with the last whispers of early hardcore music. Punk Rock as a style of music was never really defined (although many people are tripping over themselves trying to do that now), and Punk Rock as a youth marketing ploy is alive and well. All this means is that there may be a place for interesting, guitar-oriented music on major labels and in major music markets in the near future. Some bizarre, deformed version of the music that I love has become popular and that's enough to give this trendy pseudo-intellectual a bit more spring in his step.

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