By
Dan Cassino
Most males have come to the conclusion that women act a little crazy once a month independently of drug companies' sales pitches, but now we can diagnose them with a specific disorder, rather than just a general malaise. That disorder is pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder, and, by sheer coincidence, it was discovered by drug companies just as they invented a cure for it. Now, rather than suffering through the debilitating disease that has plagued women since somewhere south of the dawn of time, women can take a pill to make it all go away.
According to the manufacturer, the new drug, Sarafem, which comes in little purple and pink pills that are downright cute, is intended to relieve intense mood and physical disorders. These disorders, associated with the onset of a woman's menstrual period, can lead to significant problems that can interfere with work and social situations. Of course, there's no such thing as a free lunch. People who take Sarafem may experience tiredness, an upset stomach, nervousness, dizziness and difficulty concentrating, as well as other little glitches that also might interfere with work and social situations. But such is the price we pay.
All of this is wonderful, of course, but the best is yet to come. See, Sarafem isn't actually a new drug at all. It's just Prozac, now in female-oriented packaging. The drug companies didn't even respect us enough to create a new drug to cure their new disease. They just created a new disease they could treat with an existing product.
Of course Prozac is going to make you happier before your period - it makes everybody happier.
This stuff would make Sylvia Plath turn cartwheels.
Eli Lilly, the manufacturer of Prozac and Sarafem, recommends that the drug be taken for the period during which symptoms are experienced- no pun intended. Imagine taking a power anti-depressant, with some major side effects, for a newly minted disorder that people have been living with for years. By a sheer coincidence, Eli Lilly's competitors are working to get their anti-depressants approved for the treatment of PMDD.
Prozac has raised concerns in the past. When it first came out, it worked so well that books like "Listening to Prozac" advocated that everyone take it. The message then, as it is now, was that drugs aren't here to make our lives better, they are here to make our lives normal. Without drugs to alter our moods and feelings, we can't expect to live normally. What this point of view ignores is that not everyone is normal, and we shouldn't expect that.
Thanks to drug companies like Eli Lilly, it is becoming increasingly obvious that anything anyone does is the result of some sort of psychological disorder.
Nobody is just shy anymore; they all have social anxiety disorder, treatable with Paxil. People aren't sad after Christmas because they didn't get the gold-plated Parcheesi set they wanted - they have seasonal affect disorder, and need Prozac and a heat lamp. The heat lamp, by the way, can grow your marijuana when you run out of happy pills. The asshole who cut you off in traffic probably has anti-social personality disorder.
There isn't a pill for that yet, but if we had given him enough Ritalin when he was a tot, he wouldn't have a problem.
None of this is to say that it's good to be depressed or shy or an asshole. It isn't good or bad - it's what being human is all about. What makes people individuals is the difference between them and the rest of humanity. We should be encouraging that, encouraging people to think for themselves and act accordingly, rather than propagating the message that it is somehow wrong to be sad sometimes, or even to be a bit peevish before that time of the month.
Go and enjoy your differences; I'll be looking for some hypermanics to share an episode with.
