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Thursday September 7, 2000

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By Ryan Finley

Arizona Daily Wildcat

Editor's note: Ryan Finley has spent the past week drinking Red Bull and licking toads in the basement. We let him out once a week for this "observations" column. Moron...

Will everybody please let the Justin Wessel drunk-driving thing drop?

Wessel, a basketball player, was charged and arrested for driving under the influence last Wednesday night outside of Dirtbag's on Speedway.

When pulled over, officers found that Wessel had a .084 blood alcohol level - well under the legal limit - and appeared sleepy.

Maybe Wessel had fallen victim to the newest craze on campus - NyQuil.

That's right - the sniffling, sneezing, coughing, stuffy-head, fever, so-you-can-rest medicine has taken another victim down with it.

That would explain both the sleepiness and the blood alcohol level.

While there's nothing remotely funny about drinking-and-driving, the media attention that the Wessel incident is getting is pretty out of hand..

Especially while athletes at other schools do worse things - like killing and raping people.

Leave him alone, people... he made a mistake...

... The UA women's volleyball team opens its season tomorrow night at McKale Center. All UA students and sports fans should go. The Wildcat women draw next-to-nothing some nights, and most of the people that do go are alumni. Looking for a reason to attend? Go to see what UA head coach David Rubio - one hell of a dresser - wears on the sidelines.

Oh yeah, and games are free to students...

... Monday night's football game between the Broncos and Rams was the first "real-game" experience for comedian/ analyst Dennis Miller. While most of his comments were insightful and on-point, I think he may be a little too high-brow for Joe Sixpack. I mean, how many Bronte novel references do I need to hear during a freaking football game? I don't mean to go on a rant here, but...

... The Ohio State Buckeyes come to town this weekend and there's no word on whether or not they'll be bringing their award-winning marching band. OSU has perhaps the best tradition in all of college football. The week of a game, the band's leader names a senior tuba player to "dot the 'I'" in Ohio State when they spell it on the field prior to gametime. So, I have a proposition to the band members - let me dot the "I" in Arizona sometime. Oh yeah - you guys had better play the theme from "Shaft" on Saturday night...

...Speaking of fight songs, I heard just about the worst one ever written this past weekend when I went to Salt Lake City to watch the UA take on Utah. The Utes' fight-song, "Utah Man," claims that "I am a Utah man, sir, and I live across the green/ Our gang, it is the jolliest that you have ever seen." It gets better. It goes on to claim that "No other college man dare meet us in the muss." Jolly? Muss? No wonder they got their butts handed to them...

... John Thompson III, son of basketball coaching legend John Thompson, has been named the new head coach at Princeton. It'll be interesting to see what happens to the son of a man notorious for recruiting bad people into his program. I can just see it now - the ivy at Princeton stained with blood, drive-by shootings perpetrated against students wearing the wrong color sweater slung over their shoulders, and BMW-jackings. Don't even get me started about what kind of substance would be put in the "pipes" smoked by Princeton professors...

....I failed "Math in Modern Society" and I'm slamming Princeton. Like I could get in there.


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