By
Shaun Clayton
Arizona Daily Wildcat
This is the socially-oriented weather forecast for the University of Arizona area, fall semester, 2000.
There is currently a high-pressure system encompassing the entire UA campus. Radar shows the highest concentrations of pressure will be around the bookstore and the Administration building - especially the Financial Aid office, where the density of students will be highest.
Gradually, the high pressure system will move to more isolated areas, such as classrooms, and will persist there for the rest of the semester, increasing to dangerously high levels near mid-term, then settling back down before a sharp rise as we go into finals.
A low pressure center will move in around the fraternities and sororities. This might combine with a high dollar-to-student ratio and a lack of responsibility, leading to a massive disturbance in the campus atmosphere. As a result, damage may be high, and emergency services will have to be activated.
With the election year in full swing, the politic count is going to be high. Expect an increased amount of editorial comment in the newspaper, followed by a high chance of protests. Those in the campus administration offices are sure to suffer the most irritation from these protests, especially if they come in contact with Students Against Sweatshops. To protect itself against further insurrection, the administration should cover up any wounds or gaping sores.
As in years past, a deluge of attention will be centered around sports with all other areas receiving little to no attention, thus continuing the drought. Occasionally, the space science areas of campus will receive some attention, but it will be sporadic at best. Conditions will be worst in the upper northwest, around the fine arts areas - which is still perceived by some as a good thing.
It should be noted that the entire campus is currently suffering from an "El Peque–o" effect. This occurs when the administration feels the campus is not big enough. As such, a wide area of the campus is swept away, and in its place we see a huge build-up of construction. The construction then lingers, kept in place by a powerful funding vortex. While some computer projections show that this construction will end around 2002, this intuitive forecaster will tell you that construction may not end until Mary Kate and Ashley Olson start receiving Social Security checks.
That's the forecast for the coming semester. Now back to the news.
