By
Ryan Finley
Arizona Daily Wildcat
"Start spreading the news.....I don't f@#*ing care.
Don't give a fat rat's ass about/ New York, New York."
Could there be anything worse than a Subway Series?
Fugghetaboutit!
As if New Yorkers need more of a reason to believe that the entire free world revolves around them.
The only good thing ever to come out of "The Big Apple" is Tony Danza, and he wasn't that cool to begin with. He was a bleeping housekeeper!
And I guess I like those big-ass pizzas that "The Nanny" pitches on TV, too. Those are tasty.
So pardon me if I go on a little rant here - I'm a West Coast guy and I swear my dislike for New York has nothing to do with the fact that the damn dirty Yankees swept my Padres in 1998. I'm not bitter or anything...
...Traditionally in the World Series, the mayors of the two cities bet each other stupid stuff - for instance, if hell froze over and the Cubs faced the Red Sox, the two mayors would wager a ton of Vienna beef hot dogs against 100 gallons of chowder, pronounced "chowdah!" if you're from Beantown.
So how is Mayor Rudy Guiliani going to bet himself during the Subway Series? Draw faces of each of his hands and have them talk smack to each other? Reminds me of the "Shampoo is better!" scene from "Billy Madison."...
Guiliani, a huge Yankees fan, was booed by Mets fans after he showed up after the NLCS to help celebrate.
Doesn't Giuliani have prostate cancer? Another thing I like about New Yorkers - they're classy, all the way...
...I was wondering - are New York's subway rats Mets fans or Yankee fans? I'd say Mets fans - if you've ever seen manager Bobby Valentine, you know that he must be their leader. New York - the only city in America where the roaches ride on top of the rats...
...Let's just hope that the Yankees aren't the team that wins. Is there anything more obnoxious than a bandwagon Yankee fan, one that probably wasn't around in the lean years, seasons when the "Bronx Bombers" consisted of Matt Nokes, Kevin Maas and 90-year old closer Dave Righetti? The days when the now-enshrined Yankee Stadium was falling apart, and nobody seemed to care?...
...If anything, I'm rooting for the Mets for one reason - they're not the Yankees.
Plus, they're kind of cool to watch on TV. Mike Piazza may be the game's best player and Edgardo Alfonzo without a doubt the most underrated infielder in baseball. So, I guess I'm rooting for them out of default.
But I'll tell you one thing - I've never rooted for a series-ending earthquake more in my life...
...It's got to be a rough week to be a Georgetown center. First, Miami Heat center Alonzo Mourning gets diagnosed with a kidney disorder. Then Hawks big-man Dikembe Mutombo gets malaria...MALARIA!
How old is that disease? What's next, Ruben Boumtje Boumtje gets the black plague? Leprosy? Small pox?
...Mourning isn't the first Hoya center to be stricken with a disease. Turns out Patrick Ewing has had "Chia Head" for a long time. Have you seen that flat top? Dude looks like "Kid" from Kid 'n Play. Patrick, if you're going to sport an 80s haircut, roll with the Rat Tail. That was fresh...
From the "strange but true" file - former Nebraska Cornhusker, St. Louis Ram, and San Francisco 49er Lawrence Phillips has signed with the XFL, the league run by the WWF's Vince McMahon. The team he will be playing for: the Las Vegas Outlaws.
I love sports.
