Friday August 31, 2001

Incredibly, the temperature continues to exasperate students day after day, and that means being nasty, sticky and finding the right gear to sport to class. While less does mean being cooler, it could be at the expense of having any friends. Fashion victimization can pass you by. The tenets of style and good taste run hand-in-hand for college students, and by heeding this stream of inner thought, class and life will run more smoothly.

Afflicting Tucson, like every college town, is a horrid disease: fashionus suckius maximus. Tight pants revealing cottage cheese asses, low cut shirts on hefty boosted mammary glands and muscle shirts on the non-built are just a few of the fashion faux pas I have been privy to thus far this semester. Please, for the sake of sparing the campus a communal gag reflux, put something else on.

There are those bods that are simply slammin' in physical nature. Good for them. However, just because some people can go flash their daisy dukes or Gold's Gym gear, that doesn't mean that everyone should cram their ghetto booties into the latest hoochie wear.

Ladies of "Gamma This or That," listen up. Just because sister so-and-so just loves her new black ass pants "for realz" does not necessitate a chapter-wide shopping spree to match up with her for the next date dash, nevertheless class. People, when you bust out your fly party garb for school, you look stoopid. Not stupid, but worse. Stoopid. It's the difference between stinky and stanky. It's REALLY bad.

Speaking of stanky, I know that getting up late for class and skipping a shower can garner you another 15 minutes of oh-so-precious sleep, but at least change your shirt, guys. Reeking is not attractive. In fact, people don't want to sit by stinkies. Don't be a stinky. Girls like it when guys don't smell of B.O. and even more when there's some deodorant or even, dare I say, daily refresher splashed on.

On the recycling bit - used clothes are indeed chic and stylish. It's comfortable for school and chillin', but for the love of all that is good, something that has been torn to crap in the factory on purpose and sold at a designer store makes you a victim. You're getting ripped off at $15, $30 and even $100 for gear you could snag at any of a number of area used clothing stores. Style is ultimately self-created, not the result of worldwide marketing campaigns.

Sunglasses in class. No. No, no, no! Apart from your wanting to be "that" girl or guy, you aren't. If you were, you'd be livin' phat somewhere in Los Angeles or New York. You're warranting little more than a chuckle from classmates when you walk in to class with your sunnies on. Take them off and put them in your bag or pocket. Don't let them sit backwards and upside down on your neck or wear them in some other goofy "style" that seems like a sweet look. It's not.

Guys, you're not getting off without a reaming. Muscle-tees are for guys with muscles. The weasel-looking, semi-big chest and arms build with toothpick legs is embarrassing. Gain some balance in your development. It won't take that long and your top can grow bigger. No matter what girls say, muscles push the booty button big time. If the big jock/ripped/testosterone gorilla style isn't for you, ignore those words of advice.

My last word goes to the boys from SoCal. Hats are great. When your hair isn't managed, you can just throw one on, no prob. However, when the hat is backwards, and that Cal Bear paw is closer to your nose than your eyebrows, you look like Neanderthals. Such a style can, in time, prevent your eyebrow hairs from growing at all. That would be worse than tube top overflow.

I may not be Calvin Klein or Armani or Mr. Rossi, but these are campus-wide complaints. Everybody hates this stuff, but maybe some people are just in denial or simply didn't know. I understand. I used to have this ugly pair of Vans that I wore EVERYWHERE, but a buddy let me know they were heinous, and I wised up with a new pair of kicks. Campus beauty isn't just up to maintenance and groundskeepers. We have a responsibility to come to school in studious style. You can look cute - just don't look dumb. It's a university, for crying out loud.