Illustration by Josh Hagler

With the semester winding down, I thought it might be fun to look into the future a little - from this Thursday all the way to the end of 2004.

Here's what Shane sees in his imaginary crystal ball.

The tuition "compromise"

The tuition hearings of last week were held in the same spirit of the John Ashcroft confirmation hearings: It was all for show. The Board of Regents wants to increase UA's tuition significantly but never intended on raising it by as much as 12 percent for in-state students and 9.7 percent for out-of-staters as they officially proposed.

On Thursday, the Board of Regents agreed on an 8 percent or 9 percent tuition increase for in-state students and a 6 percent or 7 percent hike for out-of-staters. "We listened carefully to the thoughts and concerns of our students last Tuesday," President Peter Likins says. "We decided it would be in our best interests to reach this compromise for next year's tuition."

Gotta love politics.

Salmon edges out Napolitano in mud-slinging Ariz. gubernatorial race

In a couple of landslides, Republican Matt Salmon and Democrat Janet Napolitano win their respective parties' primaries. In the two months that follow, former Congressman Salmon and current Attorney General Napolitano engage in an ugly, mud-slinging campaign against one another, the likes of which Arizona hasn't seen since Fife Symington-Terry Goddard in 1990. The main topic of discussion is the "Clean Elections" debate, which voters begin rolling their eyes at by October.

Napolitano will lead Salmon in pre-election polls until October, when Salmon begins to overtake her, as Republican Symington did against Democrats Goddard in '90 and Eddie Basha in '94. Come November's general election, Salmon defeats Napolitano by three or four percentage points.

Partisan-fest in Washington continues through '04

Historically, the party out of presidential power almost always gains seats in the following congressional election - just think back to what Republicans did in 1994. But due to George W. Bush's post-Sept. 11 popularity, Democrats are unable to grab the six seats they need to win back the majority in the House of Representatives that they haven't enjoyed in a decade.

Republicans end up gaining five seats in the House, but due to several Republicans stepping down, Democrats are able to win two more spots in the Senate. Tom Daschle (D-S.D.) remains Senate Majority Leader, and the ugly partisanship escalates.

ANWR will remain untapped and gas mileage standards remain unchanged as the foreign oil situation worsens. Despite a rejuvenated economy, the tax cuts remain non-permanent. Social Security and Medicare remain a source of much fear-mongering.

Best of all, Al Gore keeps pulling the same "top 1 percent-special interests" speech out of his pocket.

The "war on terror" spreads into Iraq

All right, it's probably not a big secret that President Bush wants to finish the job his father didn't 11 years ago, but that in itself isn't reason enough to go after Saddam Hussein.

However, as evidence continues to pop up that links Hussein and the Iraqi government to terrorist organizations and the Palestinian suicide bombings, public opinion will give Bush a mandate to go in and take care of business.

By 2004, the war on terror is carried out in Iraq much as it was in Afghanistan. There is little loss of life, especially on our side. But things might turn ugly once America decides to bring the war east of the Iraqi border, into a country whose government hates us even more than Hussein's does.

Bush is re-elected · and squeaks out the popular vote

By late 2003-early 2004, the economy is finally rebounding like everyone thought it would. Nonetheless, Bush's popularity tails off to the 60s. Meanwhile, Gore is gearing up for another presidential bid.

Gore edges out Daschle and Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry for the Democratic nomination. The slogans "Re-elect Gore" and "Gore in '04" catch on like wildfire. As November nears, Bush's approval ratings are much higher than his father's were in 1992, but Gore still manages to give Bush one hell of a challenge.

In the end, it will be close, but no recount will be necessary: Bush takes 310-320 electoral votes and wins the popular vote by one and a half percentage points.

Compared to 2000, it's an old-school ass-whoopin'.