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Hmmm ... what would Conan do?

Sanders Fabares
By Sanders Fabares
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Monday Apr. 29, 2002

Since acquiring a terminal case of senioritis a few months ago, I have rediscovered a long-lost pastime that I once held dear ÷ reading for pleasure.

Thatâs right, Iâve been reading books no professor had assigned me to read. There were no tests over the material. I didnât have to take notes or highlight any sections.

It is not that the reading required in my classes has been entirely boring and useless. Through college, I have discovered writers and literature I highly regard. I especially liked Professor Brownâs Milton class and the ENGL 370s. There have been some exceptional books in my media arts classes, as well, such as Bernardiâs thoughtful ãStar Trek and Historyä and Robert McKeeâs inspiring ãStory.ä

But, you just canât truly enjoy something until you read it of your own free will. Only then, without memorizing or highlighting, can you truly savor a bookâs flavor and fall into its world.

It doesnât bother me that my book choices would not be found on any scholarly reading list. Recently, Iâve digested such tasty morsels as Phillip Jose Farmerâs ãTo Your Scattered Bodies Goä and ãThe Loversä; Fritz Leiberâs ãSwords of the Mistä; and Harry Harrisonâs ãThe Stainless Steel Rat Wants You!ä

Just one example of the wealth of books out there.

Also, I have thoroughly enjoyed reading through the ãDuneä and ãConanä series. Both offer distinct pleasures of release and escape.

ãDune,ä set in an arid world very similar to Tucson, follows a young manâs quest for revenge and redemption against the vile Harkonnens. Through taking mind-altering drugs, the young man evolves from a defeated prince into a messianic figure with the power to see the future. How incredibly cool is that?

Conan, the ultimate symbol for masculinity, is a figure that has been ingrained into my psyche from an early age. Many times, he has given me strength in moments of weakness. In times of doubt or trouble I have often asked myself, ãWhat would Conan do?ä

In my opinion, Conan is the perfect role model for young boys. Sure, on one level heâs violent and brutish, but he also possesses an uncanny sense of nobility, justice and inner strength. He sees women as a potential danger and weakness, yet treats them with a gentle respect.

Conan, originally created by Robert E. Howard in the 1930s, is so much more than the Dino De Laurentis 1982 movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger. In my youth, I read the Conan comics. Later I saw the movie. Now, as I read through the original series of books that started it all, it feels like a sweet return to those far-off days of childhood.

One of the joys of reading ãConanä is the simplicity of the stories. First, Conan is usually put in some sort of danger, meets a sultry, mysterious vixen and sets off on a quest of some sort. Then, after leaving a bloody trail of vengeance behind him, he conquers all and stands victorious.

Often, the established literary genius writers of the world write beautifully but can put you to sleep after 10 pages. Adventure serials such as Conan are a quick fix, and are centered solely on the telling of the story itself. Always, there is a forward momentum or urgency to turn to the next page. It isnât about making the story ãrealä and ãtrueä (itâs set in a fantasy world called Hyborea, for Peteâs sake!)

Especially at this time of year, when finals and portfolios have us stressed out, thereâs nothing more relaxing than reading about a man combating demons, sorcerers and mutant hordes. Of course you know Conan will be triumphant in the end, bashing in the villainâs brains and whisking away the fair maiden, but who cares?

ãThe proudest kingdom on the Earth was Aquilonia, reigning supreme in the dreaming west,ä the series says. ãHither came Conan the Cimmerian, black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the earth under his sandaled feet.ä

As I prepare to graduate and reflect upon my undergraduate years, I have this advice to give to the universityâs male students:

  • Donât just play video games, drink and lament over lost loves all the time. It does no good.

  • Go to Bookmanâs frequently and buy cheap books. Paperbacks are only $2! Thatâs less than a beer!

  • Donât judge a book by its cover.

  • Do not read books just because they are in Oprahâs book club. They are well written, but make you want to shoot yourself.

  • Eat at BKâs and Nicoâs, and go to breweries, not bars.

    These are things that Conan would do.

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