JON HELGASON/Arizona Summer Wildcat Mikey Friedman and Ben Swain, both psychology seniors, met a year ago and have been together for four months. "Sex is completely different for straight people," said Friedman.

A definition of virginity is hard to come by at UA ÷ thereās probably one for every student on campus, based on everything from religious beliefs to sexual orientation to family values.

A survey conducted last spring of more than 1,000 UA undergrads found that 27 percent considered themselves virgins, and of those students, their reasons varied.

But also how students define virginity could vary, as surveys of teenagers students have showed. While the survey suggested the number of students having sexual intercourse had decreased, the number of students who were sexually active had gone up.

In 1990, 1991, 1993, and 1995, 53 to 54 percent of high school students said they had had sexual intercourse. In 1999, however, only 49.9 percent of teenagers reported having had sexual intercourse, according to research collected by the Planned Parenthood Federation.

But at the same time, the overall proportion of young men who had received manual ÷ or "hands-on" ÷ stimulation from a woman or girl increased greatly, from 40 percent in 1988 to 53 percent in 1995. The students were not getting sex, but they were getting something.

So just when is someone no longer a virgin? Once theyāve had sex, or once theyāve gotten a hand job? How about masturbation? Can you lose your virginity with someone of your own gender? And after you lose it, is there a way to find it again?

Different strokes

For some students, everything including oral sex ÷which most seemed to consider the "third base" of sexual activity ÷ was fair game for those wishing to remain virgins. For others, anything past kissing meant you were too close to home.

According to Mikey Friedman, a psychology senior, and his boyfriend of four months, Ben Swain, also a psychology senior, dating for them is much the same as dating is for straight couples. When it comes to sex, however, there is a difference. Gay men can lose and lose their virginity either as a top or a bottom.

"Sex is completely different for straight people. Thereās only one way to have sex," said Friedman. Both said that for gay men, losing your virginity means either giving or receiving anal sex.

But Stephen Weldon, a molecular and cellular biology sophomore who has had a girlfriend for six months ÷ which he considers long-term ÷ thinks that intercourse is the only way to lose your virginity.

"Oral sex doesnāt count," he said. Anal sex wasnāt on his list of bases, which included kissing as first base, manual genital stimulation (which Friedman and Swain referred to as "getting felt up") second and oral sex as third.

Letās talk about sex

Consider the authors of "Sex talk" your third-base coaches. Melissa McGee, a harm and risk reduction coordinator of campus health, answers studentsā questions in "Sex talk," a frequent question and answer column that the Campus Health Center runs as an ad in the Arizona Daily Wildcat.

The subjects of those letters and the answers to them range from masturbation to pregnancy.

And to answer the questions, McGee often quotes numbers from the Annual Health and Wellness Survey done by Campus Health.

McGee said the survey is one of only a few in the nation that looks into the number of partners undergraduates have, statistics of virginity and their reasons. The questions, however, vary from year to year.

When it comes to frequency, 68 percent of UA students had one or no partners last year. The number was slightly down from the year before, when 71 percent said the same, the survey indicated.

Becky Stephenson, an incoming freshman, has a strict definition of virginity. She considers anything beyond kissing to be the end of oneās virginal life.

Between the definitions given by Stephenson and Weldon, "hooking up" could range from a simple date to anal sex.

Friedman and Swain both agreed hearing that someone had "hooked up," would bring to mind penetrative sex ÷ anal or vaginal. Phillips had a similar opinion.

"Usually when I hear Īhooked upā I think sex. Making out would just be kissing," he said.

Stephenson thinks hooking up means something completely different.

"I always thought of it as going on a date, but thatās just me," she said.

Others turn to someone with more authority to decide what is or isnāt the loss of sexual purity.

"Itās not a matter of Īhow far can I go before Iām not a virgin anymore?ā Itās just a matter of Īwhat am I doing thatās pleasing God or not pleasing God?" said Jon Phillips, a computer engineering graduate student and Intervarsity Christian Fellowship member. His definition of losing oneās virginity was a little more specific.

"If youāre sexually experienced, itās intercourse and oral and that sort of thing."

Phillips thinks that sex before marriage is one of those things God doesnāt find very pleasing.

"For me (sex) is an expression of love in a committed relationship ÷ marriage," he said.

"Thereās a spiritual side of sexuality. After sex you know someone more intimately."

And of the 27 percent of student on campus who are virgins, 56 percent agree with him, citing religious beliefs as the reason they are waiting to have sex.

"Outside of the framework of marriage itās unhealthy," he said.

Like a virgin

If someone is no longer a virgin, and then wants to make a commitment to wait until marriage before they have sex again, there is a word for it ÷ secondary virginity. Though it might have taken you your whole life to lose your virginity, it doesnāt have to take you that long to find it again.

Swain and Friedman, both non-virgins, said that they donāt believe in such a thing.

"Once you lose it, you lose it," Friedman said.

"The only thing close to that is maybe when someone has been raped, when it has been stolen from them," Swain said.

Phillips, a secondary virgin himself, explained what secondary virginity means to him.

"Youāve acknowledged before God that youāve done something wrong and youāre keeping yourself pure for marriage," he said.

Cathy Davis, director of youth and family services for Abstinence First, a program funded by the state of Arizona, said that the abstinence movement, once thought of as a radical approach to sex education, is gaining ground.

The program "talks about healthy relationships, consequences; it discusses things like marriage as well," she said.

These factors were the most cited as reasons why UA undergrads have remained virgins, according to Campus Health surveys.

STDs and pregnancy are also issues addressed by Abstinence First, although the program obviously prefers students use abstinence as their birth control.

Are contraceptives used in the program? Davis said yes, "but kind of in a sneaky way. We donāt want to send a double message. We take the kids through the process, the marriage process. You donāt want kids hearing two different things at once."

Davis added that the 5-year-old program was once viewed as a far-right approach to sexual education. Now, she said, it has become "more widely accepted," with teachers embracing it in the curriculum.

Davis said there is not a lot of research yet to identify if the program is working or not.

On the UA campus, sexual education is present ÷ from McGeeās sex talk to condom day on the Mall.

And, despite the differences in beliefs, columns like "Sex talk" show that students regularly think about going all the way.

"Being in love with someone makes it better. But, biologically, you canāt deny that it feels good," said Swain.

"Thereās definitely a big difference between having sex and making love," added Friedman.

Cyndy Cole and Daniel Scarpinato contributed to this report.