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Illustration by Josh Hagler

Tuesday September 11, 2001

"We've never been out on a date, and I have no clue who you are, but would you like to marry me in six years?"

Mega-conservative Christians from the South - the morally upstanding, Ol' Dixie crowd - are producing a new youth that foregoes romance.

In the Sunday New York Times, Laurie Goodstein told the story of two neo-dating youth, Kara Price, 14, and Casey Moss, 20, who have been "betrothed" for two years and just held hands for the first time last month. Dating is an emotional danger. But for people our age, the key is to keep trying.

On the University of Arizona campus, hormones and emotions abound. They criss and cross, causing people to lose concentration. Girls giggle. Guys boast about sexual exploits that probably never happened. Yet, all this pomp and circumstance that kicks off the search for a partner surely bests an antiquated "almost-dating" throwback.

Richard Wheeler, asked by such a youth to court his daughter, stated, "A marriage is built not on love, but on someone who has the character to withstand the storms that marriage brings - the arguments and the disagreements."

Joshua Harris, executive pastor at Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, Md., appealed to Bible scripture, indicating that First Thessalonians prohibits "defrauding." He continued to outline his point by saying that dating is nothing more than an infatuation with someone physically or emotionally.

While some people simply date "hot" bods or "cool" people, much good comes from it as well. Dating is practice for the real thing. Figuring out what one wants in a relationship makes for a good marriage in the future. Courting someone "Victorian style" more closely resembles interrogation. And in Kara and Casey's case, the interrogation lasted two years.

Religious conservatism exists on the UA campus as well. Friday afternoon, students were flagged down by a regular Joe conducting surveys in an attempt to understand people why people follow their belief systems. Harmless at first, the man quickly jumped into whether students felt they would go to heaven or not and why. He hailed from a local church seeking to recruit new young members.

Wildcats for Christ, Ambassadors for Christ, Campus Crusade and the rest of the lot work to convince UofA students that they are wrong - that their normal healthy behavior is in some way evil or simply preparation for divorce.

Religious texts such as the Bible are voluminous and difficult to fully comprehend, especially in the light of numerous interpretations and internal schisms. Expecting college students to know the meanings behind these tomes is extreme and unrealistic. College Christian recruiters know this and exploit it. They twist the words of their own books.

In fact, should one delve into the "Good Book," he would find Jesus commented on sex only once, stating sex without love should be avoided. That language is vague and in no way prohibits sex before marriage - and it certainly doesn't prohibit dating.

Go out students and sow your oats. Find out what matters to you in a mate, and test the waters. Discover what it means to love someone. Many of you will find out what it means to lose a love, but do not be discouraged. In the words of late R&B singer Aaliyah, "dust yourself off and try again."

Despite the nature of the game, everyone must play. Tears and emptied tubs of ice cream aside, another day for love will come along. Someone will come along. Someone who fits you better than the person you thought was "the one." Someone gung-ho for little old you.

These conservative young'uns must be applauded, though, for their incredible control and resistance to a slew of natural urges. Congrats.

However, this pocket of romance-free youngsters misses the point: dating trains us to know what we want and how to handle a serious relationship. Otherwise, at age 14, we might as well fill out a questionnaire outlining our immature beliefs and goals for some huge matchmaking database for betrothal to some random child on the other side of the country.

Dating is frightening. It scared me to all hell, until I met the perfect girl. Fight for what you want and deserve. Relationships are not about making things work, but about being linked to someone in a very different, special and real way apart from everyone and everything else. Marriages work because of love, not because both spouses have a coordinated action-item list.