By Jessica Saurez & Kate VonderPorten
Arizona Daily Wildcat
Thursday Jan. 24, 2002
Editor's note: The Arizona Daily Wildcat does not advocate breaking the law in any way, shape or form. That being said, here are some ideas on how to get free stuff:
Songs to put yourself in the right Zen, tight-ass state of mind:
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Illustration by Josh Hagler
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"Free Ride" Edgar Winter
"Hidden Place" Bjork
"Ticket to Ride" The Beatles
"Poor Boy" Nick Drake
"Jailbreak" Thin Lizzy
"Freedom" George Michael
"It's So Easy" Guns N' Roses
"Rhymn' an' Stealing" Beastie Boys
"Hitchin' A Ride" Vanity Fare
"Policy of Truth" Depeche Mode
"M-O-N-E-Y" Lyle Lovett & Pink Floyd
"We Are Hungry Men" David Bowie
"Can't Buy Me Love" The Beatles
"Bust a Move" Young M.C.
"My Weakness" Moby
"Been Caught Stealing" Jane's Addiction
"Money for Nothing" Dire Straits
"Free Money" Sammy Hagar
"Stealing Time" D. Generation
"Stealing" Johnny Copeland
"Breaking the Law" Judas Priest
How to eat for free
Buy food at the grocery store, eat part of it, then return the rest, complaining it was stale. Remember, the customer is always right.
Order a pizza to be delivered to a bogus address, then wait for the driver to come back to the pizza establishment and throw away the pizza. Retrieve it from the trash. Note: This only works if the pizza box does not open before being tossed.
Buy food and then write to the company complaining that it is stale, defective or - the ultimate - that you found a piece of glass in it. This works really well with beer companies. You can expect a coupon within a few weeks for a free replacement, no questions asked. Note: Keep track of which companies you write to so as not to raise suspicion.
Buy a small drink at a restaurant with free refills and keep refilling the cup. Why buy the large? Think of the law of conservation of mass ·
Order something and then once you get your food, take a bite and suddenly remember you ordered something else · you will usually get to keep the original order. Note: This works equally well at fast food restaurants.
Eat samples at Costco for dinner. This is a great first date maneuver.
Take Tupperware to buffets and score free food for weeks.
Leisure Activities
Walk on at the third hole at a local public golf course and leave by the eighth hole. Note: A new mode of scoring is appropriate for this version of the classic game.
Sneak into apartment and hotel pools and Jacuzzis.
Pay for one matinee movie ticket and spend the whole day and night going from one movie to another. For added security, bring a disguise to change into after a few movies. This is another great date idea.
Sneak into your local theater at intermission. Make up the beginning of the movie. Or claim that you were in the bathroom and lost your ticket. This usually only works for one person; A couple trying to sneak in together may seem a bit suspicious.
Get stamped at a bar and then run out and transfer it on to your friend's hand. It will be reversed or upside-down - hope the bouncer has bad eyesight.
Miscellaneous:
At department store makeup and perfume counters, ask for free samples. You can be moisturized and pore-licious all year round if you memorize the phrase, "I insist on trying before buying."
Also for the ladies: Buy makeup at a department store when it is offering a free bonus. Return the makeup and keep the bonus.
Take your car into the shop and replace everything that could possibly break down before your warranty expires.
Buy clothes. Tuck in the tags. Wear clothes. Return clothes.
Buy clothes on super sale and resell them at resale stores.
Buy electronics and save the box. Put an older-but-identical model in the box and return it claiming it is "broken."
For the truly desperate and those willing to risk their lives or jail time (not recommended):
Sleep in partially built houses in large developments. Note: be sure the insulation is installed.
Hitchhike from the Phoenix airport instead of taking a shuttle. Someone is bound to be coming back to school at the same time. UA apparel is a big tip-off.
Hitchhiking in general. Travel in pairs - girls should never try this alone! This works particularly well in Europe - it's cheaper than a Eurorail ticket.
Put stuff on the bottom rungs of your shopping cart, pay for the other groceries and leave. If you get caught, just say you forgot.
Get on public transportation, sit as far away from the driver as possible and get off without paying.
Fish out large cups from the trash at the movies, rinse them out and get free drinks. This works well for the large popcorn buckets too and is slightly more hygienic.
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