Photo Courtesy Of Columbia Jason Lee and Tom green star in the non-educational movie "Stealing Harvard," opening in theaters Friday.

Halfway through the film I'm slouching in my chair, rubbing my temples and waiting for the oxygen bag to release from the overhead. I even search the seat in front of me for a paper vomit pouch. When will it be over? My only thought is escape. As I spot the exit signs and think about running, I suddenly realize that everyone around me is laughing, or at least pretending to. Am I missing something?

"Stealing Harvard" is a comedy, I think. Jason Lee plays John, a white suburban loser who lives for his girlfriend and works for her father. Leslie Mann plays Elaine, the perky girlfriend who tells John she wants him to pay $30,000 for the down payment on a house. It all sounds great until his niece reminds him of a promise he made years ago: to finance her college career. Well, guess what? She got into Harvard! And guess how much she needs: $30,000!

This is the foundation of the film, and from here on out we see that John is more than just a nice guy, he's an idiot. But it's Jason Lee, and we all love him. So we'll forgive him in the film and we may even forgive him for making the film.

So what does the nice-guy-turned-idiot always do? He turns to his beer-slugging buddy, Duff, played by Tom Green, for help. Duff is an even bigger loser who, as far as I'm concerned, has only one thing going for him: being named after Homer's favorite beer. He comes up with some really awful plans to help his friend get $30,000. Plans turn to crimes as the two find themselves in some very peculiar situations. There is a certain "spooning" incident and a "fetish crime," which is really hilarious the first time around. Unfortunately, it gets used too many times and becomes just another one of many, beaten-to-death jokes.

The premise for this film is original and could have been successful, but the film is too predictable and just too hectic. Among many problems, the plot becomes one big stage of opportunity for Tom Green to eat blocks of cheese and beat windows with wheelchairs. There is even a testicle-chewing dog and an elderly woman who uses the f-word. But really, how many times have we seen that dog and that woman before?

Was I missing something? Why was everyone around me laughing? I thought I was the only person in the theater who was retching, until I turned to the guy next to me and as the light from the screen hit his face I saw that he wasn't really laughing, he was just pretending to like it.

There are some funny ideas in this film, some good lines and curious moments. But it's not a movie that will make you think. In fact, you may even become dumber watching it.