Question: "Are there any ghosts on campus?"

Answer:

I will tell you from my own professional authority that there are no such things as ghosts, just psychic impressions radioed down into our brains from a government satellite as a means for subjugating more impressionable minds into pits of hellish paranoia, fear and despair.

But because my editors would otherwise censor these claims for their apparent lack of any "basis" in "reality," I decided to see if I could find anything more about this conspiracy.

According to "Haunted Arizona: Ghosts of the Grand Canyon State," there are several ghost legends that take place in various buildings at the UA, but all are based on eyewitness accounts at best. These legends were verified for the campus detective by Frances Colunga, a history freshman and resident ghost hunter.

Colunga talked about the ghost of a man who fell from the ceiling of Centennial Hall and now haunts the seat he landed on. He also described a girl who runs down the halls of the second floor of the Modern Languages building. Her story deals with construction workers who discovered her body and reburied it within the building's walls, Colunga said. Colunga was most familiar with the two ghosts of her very own Maricopa Residence Hall.

The first spirit was an unnamed young woman who had a relationship with a man from Cochise Residence Hall. She eventually hanged herself in the downstairs bathroom in the 1920s. But the ghost turned out to be something of a guardian.

"If one of the girls has a boyfriend that hurts her, or if he's going to die, his picture won't be able to stand up. It'll either be face down or on the floor," Colunga said.

That particular poltergeist was especially active in 1995 during the renovations and redecorating. Objects in locked rooms were moving, falling over or vanishing outright, Colunga said.

But again, everything here has only been verified by ghost books and a freshman.

- Investigation by Kris Cabulong, campus detective

The Campus Detective is still seriously and deeply desperate for work! If you've got any UA-related mysteries or conspiracies, e-mail me at catcalls@wildcat.arizona.edu!