Illustration by Arnie Bermudez

I've come to the conclusion that the quite possibly the most annoying thing in the world a bad driver. I can't tell you how many times in the last two weeks I've been irritated by a someone doing something stupid on the road. So I've finally decided to write a column about all the little induhviduals out there who are allowed to drive a motor vehicle despite gross incompetence. What follows is a list of the dumbest things you ÷ and I do mean you, even though you think you're a good driver ÷ do to annoy those of us who know, respect and obey the traffic laws. All is not lost, however. Read the following wisdom and right your sinful ways.

The first skill you seem to have trouble with is parking, even though it's one of the most widely used techniques in this country. It's pretty simple: You need to get the car between the two lines. You should also leave enough space for the people on either side of you to open their doors.

Some of you may be inclined to park in two spaces, citing the argument, "There's plenty of spaces available and I don't want anyone parking next to me." You're wrong. Just because there are plenty of spaces now doesn't mean that there will be plenty of spaces later. Plus, if you're arrogant enough to actually believe that crap, you're probably going to take the two spaces that are closest to the building, further annoying the responsible minority of drivers out there.

Tim Belshe Columnist

Speaking of arrogance, there are certain places where you're not allowed to park. For most of us, this includes handicapped spaces. Even if you think to yourself, "I'll just be in there two minutes," as a certain managing editor did, you still deserve the $500 fine. If I had to walk my lazy ass all the way from the Zone 1 lot north of Speedway, you should too.

The next thing you seem to have trouble with is observing when you can and cannot make a left turn. In a city like Tucson where the hippy tree-huggers won't let us build freeways, we tend to have significant congestion during rush hour. In an attempt to mitigate these problems, we have the aptly named "suicide lane." Basically, during the hours of 7 a.m. ÷ 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. ÷ 6 p.m., the center lane on Grant Road is one-way only, with no left turns allowed. Traffic in this lane flows west in the morning and east in the evening. This is called a suicide lane because if you try to make a left turn while I'm in that lane, I just might listen to the demons in my head telling me to hit the gas and shove you off the road. A Jeep in 4-low produces an amazing amount of torque, so please don't test me.

Another place where you don't seem to care about turning restrictions is the intersection of Mountain and Grant. You may notice that traffic tends to build up there during rush hour. You may also notice, although you probably haven't, that there is a sign that says you aren't allowed to make a left turn during the aforementioned hours. When you sit in the road waiting to make a left turn, the people behind you usually can't get through the intersection. By prohibiting left turns, the city traffic engineers are actually making the traffic situation better, despite the fact that you have to make a slight detour to get where you're going. Again, don't fool yourself into thinking that whatever you're doing is important enough to justify the delay to the rest of us. It's not.

One more thing: turn signals. Turn them on when you're going to turn and off when you're not. Also, in order to be effective, you have to turn the signal on before you make the turn, not after. By the time you're halfway around that corner, I'll have figured out that you were turning there. At that point, the signal is pretty much useless.

Lastly, let's cut Parking and Transportation Services a break every now and then. Although some of its policies may seem asinine to people who know nothing about transportation, and that includes most of you, it actually has some pretty good ideas. You're just going to have to get used to the fact that it's expensive to operate a vehicle, especially in an urban environment. If you can't afford it, take the bus.

Tim Belshe is aspiring to become a transportation engineer. He is a systems engineering junior and can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu