Charles Scott anthropology senior

Wildcat: Hi, I'm Cassie and this is Claire, and you're on the spot. So if you were a stripper, to what song would you dance?

Scott: Let me think about this. ... Hmm. ... "You Light Up My Life."

Wildcat: Uhh ... are you serious? That's a little slow. I guess you're the intimate type. How seriously do you take expiration dates?

Scott: Depends on what it is. If it's milk, I'll take it seriously. If it's other stuff ... meh, not as much.

Wildcat: Nasty. So if there's some moldy bread, you'll just pop it in the toaster and it's good to go?

Scott: Yeah, I'll just scrape it off.

Wildcat: How do you feel about graffiti?

Scott: I think it depends on where it is. Bathroom stuff is hilarious to look at.

Wildcat: Nice. Have you gotten any phone numbers looking at that? Can you tell us about any hot hook-ups you've found to strip with?

Scott: (blushes) No, umm ... none of those.

Wildcat: Back to the stripper thing. If you had to pick a stage name for yourself, what would it be?

Scott: Something cheap. Something that people would laugh at. ... Candy Mellons comes to mind.

Wildcat: Who is your arch nemesis?

Scott: I can't really say that I have one.

Wildcat: You're friends with everyone? Weird. How would you dispose of them, if you had an archnemesis?

Scott: I probably put their feet in cement blocks and leave them out in the middle of the desert. Or maybe dump them in a lake.

Wildcat: That sounds kind of mobbish. You don't strike me as being too Italian. What are you?

Scott: I'm a mutt.

Wildcat: Aren't we all.

- by Claire C. Laurence and Cassandra Tomlin