Music from the WB television series One Tree Hill 0 out of 10

So, my ears are bleeding right now and although I'm no man of science, I think I know the cause. I have just listened to Music from the WB television series One Tree Hill. The compilation is a companion piece to the series.

The show is about a group of teenagers (likely played by a group of thirty-somethings) who learn about life, love, space aliens, teenage pregnancy and gang initiation.

This "soundtrack" plays more like a mixed tape constructed by a very, very lonely television executive. On it you'll be treated to 14 tunes from the likes of Tyler Hilton and Gavin DeGraw.

DeGraw kicks off the album with a live version of "I Don't Want to Be," which is a sentiment I'll finish with "forced to listen to this album." Thankfully, DeGraw is adept at doing live what he does well on records: suck. Yes, the song is a nearly identical recreation of the same awful song from his album Chariot Stripped.

Bands like Jimmy Eat World and The Get Up Kids perform two versions of nearly the same song concerning love lost (a theme throughout the soundtrack). Jimmy Eat World calls their version "Kill," from recent release Futures, while The Get Up Kids version is called "Overdue," from On a Wire. The two songs differ in sound, with Jimmy Eat World taking the soft-rock route while The Get Up Kids opted for the acoustic ballad path. Both bands, however, decided upon the lyrically nauseating road.

As this soundtrack is fully intent on following every law of the bad soundtrack handbook, there are a couple of Radiohead rip-offs from some third rate contenders. Travis offers the digitally comatose "Re-Offender" while Keane allows wuss-hit "Everybody's Changing" to whine volumes about them.

Sheryl Crow proves herself a fan of money as she accepts the offer to provide an acoustic version of her hit "The First Cut is the Deepest." Let me be the first to thank Crow for her ability to peddle sap on a consistent and frequent basis.

Possibly the most offensive element of this album comes in the form of the liner notes (or as I call it a manifesto) by creator and executive producer of "One Tree Hill" Mark Schwahn. Read as he, without the slightest hint of irony, offers up some self-congratulatory words concerning his musical taste.

"The final song on this mix, 'Lie in the Sound,' encompasses so much of what we try to do with music on 'One Tree Hill.' The band is young - still a best kept secret. Someone's favorite band. The song is epic. Heartbreaking. But at the same time, comforting. And oh, the payoff."

This certainly had me chomping at the bit to get to this epic heartbreaker (clocking in at nearly six minutes!). This, I believe, was when my ears officially started bleeding. The faux country song contains nothing epic or heartbreaking about it. Singer Anna Lynne affects a country drawl well enough, but lyrically and emotionally the song is as vacuous and soulless as anything in the world.

If you like the show, great, but avoid this soundtrack unless you have earplugs readily available.