Illustration by Holly Randall

Somewhere in between the introduction of coeducational institutions and the rise of social awareness, Valentine's Day has taken a back seat to World Peace Day, Earth Day, Great American Smokeout Day and Fat Tuesday on college campuses across the country.

Indeed, at my own alma mater, Boston College, students were much more interested in raising a pint of Guinness in reverence to St. Patrick than they were in sending a bouquet of flowers on the day that honors St. Valentine. And it is no wonder - relationships in college are a tricky business. At no other time in our lives will such a wide variety of romantic expectations lead to so many different types of relationships, all present in the same community.

During their college years, students anticipate many different things from their romantic endeavors. Some are interested primarily in having fun and experimenting. Others are looking to find that special someone that they hope to someday marry. Still others are engaged or married. What is more, we have all heard stories of high school love gone asunder or tragic tales of unrequited love from that dear "platonic" friend we have had since freshman biology. But sadly, one thing common to most college relationships is that sooner or later they end. So, is there hope amid these heart-wrenching observations on this great day of love? This writer thinks there is.

For most, college is a time for personal growth and development. It is a time to discover who we are, what we stand for, where we want to go and with whom we want to go there. For many people, this discovery occurs through experimentation, trial and -brace yourselves - error. Others do not need a wide range of experiences to figure out who they are or what they want. For them, the trick is finding that something or someone amid the chaos. But either way, we are all involved in a learning experience, and when it comes to relationships, we should follow the advice of Bismarck: "Fools like to learn from (their own) mistakes. I prefer to learn from the mistakes of others and avoid the cost of my own."

Jonathan Riches Columnist

So, we would be wise to look to examples of good relationships, and if possible, to emulate their formula. It seems as though all successful relationships share these same fundamental characteristics: trust, communication and mutual respect. This list is not exhaustive, but if these basic factors are present, then there is a solid foundation on which to build.

First, it may seem obvious, but you have to trust your partner. This means, among other things, allowing your significant other to know the real you - to know what you are like when you are angry, tired, frustrated or elated. This requires, of course, knowing the same about your partner and accepting them, in all their shades, for who they are. Trust also means that you give your companion the freedom they need to live their own life apart from the relationship. This can be hard for some. But as an old adage goes: Relationships are like a handful of sand, the tighter you hold on, the more that spills out. Knowing you are loved for who you are while allowing your partner the room they need for personal growth creates a safe environment for intimacy and lets both people relax without the fear of rejection or pressure.

Second, relationships require communication, and trust often opens the door to that communication. Ask questions about your partner's past, present and future. Listen attentively to what he or she says without judgments or comparisons to past lovers. Most importantly, let your significant other know when things are right and when they are wrong. Often times, small issues that we let fester become huge problems that could have been avoided had there been effective communication up front.

Finally, relationships require respect on both sides. Respecting your partner is an acknowledgment that they are fully functional and capable individuals. There are times when we feel that our significant others may need to be "fixed," and only under the auspices of our own superior enlightenment can that mending occur. But the truth is, most of us don't need to be fixed. What we need is the support of a companion who feels and acts as an equal - who acknowledges that while our gifts and talents may be different, we each have a role to play in a mutually beneficial relationship.

Sound like a lot of work? Well, it is. Intimacy is a difficult matter, and relationships take time and energy. But they are also one of life's great gifts - which is, I guess, why we celebrate this day every February. So, if you have no interest in serious relationships right now, then take this time to learn for when you do. But if you have found someone special, start working on that communication today. Forget about St. Patrick, grab your girlfriend or boyfriend, give him or her a kiss and raise that pint to each other. Happy Valentine's Day.

Jonathan Riches is a first-year law student. He can be reached at letters@wildcat.arizona.edu.