Editor:

Regarding Paula Huff's April 5 column ("Get out of that abusive relationship"), I would like to share something I fished out of the Internet. It comes from a site called "Ross Jeffries - Secrets of Speed Seduction": "...I've come to the conclusion that a woman can only experience passion for (you) if on some level she believes she could do something to lose you! ... (Convey) the message that you are the prize to be pursued, that you are the person of value, and they had better take advantage of the opportunity ... By way of contrast, if you show a nonstop, forever and ever devotion to her, and put up with her crap and ambivalence, then where is that tension of knowing she could lose you? Answer: no where!"

Elsewhere in this "article" it states, "I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't get a little pissed. Just don't go nutso with a stream of obscenities (sic)."

At the opposite end of the spectrum, has anyone seen the "Mary Worth" comic strip from last week? It was depicting a young man who is crazy in love with a young lady. He was fawning over her, changing his hair style and clothes to impress her. We, the audience, have been keyed in that she likes him, yet she continues to spurn him - playing hard to get.

Here's the situation. We have pop culture giving two conflicting messages to the sexes. "Mary Worth" sends the message that by spurning a suitor he will have to work harder and will be more appreciative of the lady once she is won (and not abuse her or take her for granted). "Ross Jeffries" argues that the best way to treat a woman who spurns a man is to abuse her sense of well-being making her more eager to please. This starts a vicious cycle.

Want to do away with spouse abuse? I propose a look at the games we must play between the first and second date. That is where the pattern of spurn-abuse-reconcile is started.

Kenton White
physics graduate student