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Editor:
With this being the first election in which I am eligible to vote, I am finding myself following the presidential campaigns much more closely than in previous years. I have watched both conventions and am disgusted by the manner in which both Clinton and Dole have avoided one of the most important problems in America today ... greed. I do not mean the greed of Americans who are unwilling to accept a cut in their government benefits, or the greed of those who refuse to pay taxes, or even corporate greed. The greed that appalls me is that of the many qualified psychics of the psychic networks.
In case you have not seen their late night infomercials, I will briefly summarize how these psychic networks operate. The networks give out a phone number that connects you to a live psychic who will give out advice on how to improve your financial and social situations. The amazing thing is that these psychics charge the poor people who call them!
If I had been born with the gift of predicting the future, I wouldn't have to resort to charging outrageous prices to the lonely and the poor who sought my help. Instead, I would invest my money in the stock market, since I would have the ability to foresee every stock's future performance. If I was extremely impatient, I could simply buy a winning lottery ticket or two. Either way, I would find myself with both immense wealth and plenty of free time. Then, if I truly wanted to be a philanthropist, as the psychics who charge people claim to be, I would give out free psychic advice during my weeks of free time, and still have enough leisure time left over. I would only need to set aside a few minutes each decade to stop by Circle K and buy another lottery ticket.
It must be that the psychics are truly malevolent, because they forsake these alternative forms of income, and charge the suffering individuals who call them (people who really need the money that the call is costing them). In an effort to combat this affront to humanity, I am forming a new political party whose exclusive platform will be to eliminate the act of trading psychic advice for money.
Andrew McClory
undecided freshman
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