By Anthony R. Ashley
Arizona Daily Wildcat May 1, 1997
Dear Anthony: I'm a cute freshman, and I have lots of friends (and a really cool boyfriend). The thing is, I want to have a nose job. I feel that I have the ugliest nose in the world, although no one has ever said anything about it. My boyfriend thinks I'm crazy, and my friends just laugh at me. But, I really want to get it done. My parents, on the other hand, don't want me to have it done. They won't even hear about it. How can I convince them that my nose is making me miserable? -B.S.
You hate your nose, thinking it makes you ugly, but you say you're "a cute freshman." I think there is something a bit contradictory in your letter. That's like saying, "I'm healthy, but have high blood pressure." Your boyfriend thinks you're crazy, and your friends laugh at you because they don't see the necessity in your getting a nose job. When they made friends with you, they probably didn't say something like, "Well she seems cool, but she's got a big- ass nose." Instead they probably became your friends because of your personality, your individual beauty, your mode of fashion, wittiness and sense of humor. When your boyfriend found interest in you, he probably didn't say, "Well she's cute and cool, but I think if I kiss her, I'll be blind thanks to that nose!" What you think is ugly may be attractive to your boyfriend or would-be suitors. Example: I have a friend who is very attractive and, no joke, has a large nose. Not trying to make you feel better, but his nose as well as his eyebrows are two of the physical features I find very attractive on him. As for my opinion on plastic surgery, I think it is wrong and possibly addictive, except if you've been knifed or burned all over your face and body. You should be proud of your individual beauty and not try to look like a clone of everyone else. I don't think you want to be the augmented butt of everyone's plastic surgery jokes, like that plastic surgery fanatic Cher.
Dear Anthony: Got it bad for this boy I know. But he's lusting madly after my roommate. She, of course, has a boyfriend and thinks that my friend is a big loser anyway. Do I tell him this? I don't want to come off like I'm bitter (even though I am) because although I'm happy that she doesn't want him anyway, I just know he's going to get hurt. What should I do? -K.M.
Well, of course you tell this boy that your roommate thinks he's a big ol' loser. You won't look like a bitter bitch. Telling him in a not-so-subtle way sounds harsh and crude, but if you're really friends with him, he will thank you or admire you for your honesty. Besides, she has a boyfriend € get him out of that dream world where co-equal love exists between himself and your roommate. If you plan it just right, he will be hurt by the rejection of your roommate, and you'll be weaving a web for him to fall into to console his broken heart. This is when you tell him that you've got it bad for him. And don't be afraid to tell him either. Don't do like a homegirl of mine and wait for him to tell you his feelings. Also, don't expect sappy music in the background, hearts fluttering and cherubs all afloat. He may not know how to take it and might not respond as quickly as you'd like him to. It may take a while, so don't be disappointed.