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By Jon Roig
Arizona Daily Wildcat
October 17, 1996
I can't believe I spent so much time staring at a little piece of molded plastic. Not only looking at it, but talking about its myriad benefits, pondering its patented design, consulting the opinions of others, and finally, trying to write with National T ech Systems' new invention, the Ring-Pen. To be honest, I'm not sure what to make of this thing.
Created in the former-Soviet Union by an inventor of mysterious origin, this Starship Enterprise-esque writing utensil was clearly envisioned as the ultimate pain relief tool for the worker's paradise. As Carpel Tunnel Syndrome continues to afflict milli ons of office workers, students, and yes, even journalists, drastic measures are obviously needed. Pen purchases, according to a USA Today Survey, account 43% of the $1.7 billion spent on writing implements annually in the United States. No doubt there is room in this vast market for something new, something different -- but really, why bother?
This radically redesigned pen may be nothing more than a subtle Communist plot to destabilize our economy. At $7.95 a piece, it's an expensive alternative to a technology which, quite frankly, doesn't need fixing. True to the typical Eastern Block mentali ty, it comes in one unique size that doesn't seem quite right for anyone's hand.
The press release notes that it "prevents the risk of writer's cramp, reduces fatigue while writing, and renders the writing more fluid and even." Actually, I found this wasn't true at all. Holding it was painful, and I can't imagine using it long enough to develop the new techniques needed to manipulate this imaginative solution to an old problem.
It's not the first failed solution to the old writing problem. Remember when they tried to teach you cursive in grade school? Studies show that the time that it takes to learn a whole new system of writing temporarily retards your learning of the Englis h language. You have to concentrate too much on the actual technique, the formation of the words themselves, to pay attention to grammar, sentence structure, and building vocabulary. I think the same effect might be at work here -- the time it takes to ma ster the Ring-Pen could probably be spent in other, more productive ways. Your teacher lied to you when she said that cursive was faster; the creators of the Ring-Pen may be trying to dupe you as well.
The designers claim that it "eliminates static stress normally caused by constantly gripping a pen when writing," but this isn't really true. The Ring-Pen still has to be gripped, but the resting point of the pen is transferred from your hand to your fing er, where it hurts the most. Thanks, I'll just stick with my handy ball-point Bic -- they're 10 for $1.29. Besides, the Ring-Pen won't fit into the slot on my pocket protector.
The pen's unique biomorphic design cannot, however, be discounted... for other reasons. This is, without a doubt, the most radically weird-looking pen I've ever seen in my life. It grabs your attention, but without saying "I'm a dork" like other novelty p ens. A syringe pen might not attract the attention of that certain someone in your class, but the Ring-Pen will certainly get a conversation started. Also, with the Holiday gift-giving season rapidly approaching, this might be the perfect stocking-stuffe r for your favorite H.R. Geiger fan.
If you're interested, you can reach National Tech Systems on the web at http://www.mindspring.com/~nti1/Ringpen.html
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