CD Reviews

Don't Want the Retardos

Super Teem

A great new release by the Super Teem label, San Francisco's Retardos blend the spirit of the late 70s with predominant 60s organ sound on their debut EP, Don't Want the Retardos. What at first seems fine during the first listen becomes better the second time around, and even better after that. Although I find the nail-biting, hurt-boy live persona of the Retardos' gaunt frontman to be slightly nauseating, I hear he actually makes girls swoon, and their music certainly allows such antics to be overlooked.

The Retardos practice the use of minimal lyrics on side A's "I Can Only Dream" and "Girl Like You," which are both catchy, simple accounts of the ever-familiar unresolved crush. "Quit This Town," on side B, is a more rockin' sketch of dissatisfaction, wit h female backing vocals provided by the straight-faced drummer, who impressively banged out song after song during a recent show while managing to avoid those usual scary drummer faces. Looking quite like the Addams Family in all-black attire, the Retardo s provide the music you'd expect to hear in the 60s at a high school teeny-bop dance.

Among the ever-expanding list of pedestrian "retro" bands who like to vomit up rehashed surf tune after surf tune, the Retardos prove to be one of the most welcomed surprises. Hopefully, a full-length effort will be forthcoming containing their inspired c over of the Vibrators' "Wrecked On You" from their live set.

-Fen Hsaio

Bobbyteens

Hey Roxy/Firecracker

Super Teem

The Bobbyteens (Super Teem) "Hey Roxy" b/w "Firecracker" 7" is a short piece of perfection and the absolute best thing (along with the Oblivions' "Popular Favorites") to come out of the otherwise musically vast desert of 1996. A dynamite four-piece made o ut of two Trashwomen, a Mummies/Phantom Surfers/Count Backwurds drummer, and a Spoiled Brat, the Bobbyteens are positively nothing short of what a fan would expect. With backseat action galore! the Bobbyteens, decked out in shiny baseball jerseys and roll er skates, deliver bubble gum-poppin' attitude reminiscent of 60s rock 'n' roll with quick, fun, Ramones-like madness.

Both songs on the single register at 2:24, but have spent at least thirty minutes at a time on the turntable while I frantically jumped up and down to flip sides. Delivered by all-female vocals and cheerleader chants, "Hey Roxy" is pure ponytail wagging go, go, go! brattiness with synchronized back-up crooning. If you have even a small morsel of heart, it is unimaginable that you could actually keep still during this irresistible song.

"Firecracker," sounding like an "American Graffiti"/roller derby theme song is the Bobbyteens' own fun ode to the best-known pastime. In one line the Bobbyteens describe the frantic mania of feverish lust: "Now I just can't get enough/ I want it all the t ime/ Cuz I'm a boom boom boom boom maniac!/ And it's always on my mind!"

No matter how wretched I feel admitting it, the Bobbyteens are the perfect example that something good can still exist in current music, because it's heard in their maniacal music and the unrefined energy of this single.

-Fen Hsaio

The Samples

Outpost

MCA

I saw the Samples in concert a couple of years ago, and the only thing that stood out for me at the time was that their singer sounded uncannily like Sting. Perhaps this observation was made often enough for him to reconsider his vocal style. If so, it wa sn't very seriously reconsidered. There are songs on Outpost where the resemblance is still extremely obvious. But on the rest of the album, there is another comparison to be made. Everything that doesn't sound like the watered-down, grandma-friendly musi c the ex-Police front man is putting out these days calls to mind the Counting Crows instead. One vocal style or another, they're both whiny, annoying and full of supposed emotion that falls extremely short of touching.

The Samples are exactly the kind of band that comes to mind when the HORDE festival is mentioned. They actually point out in their press release that they had a hand in the success of Hootie and the Blowfish and the Dave Matthews Band. They seem to think this is something to be proud of, rather than an offense that could be justifiably punished by forced exile. The Samples are a band that the characters on "Friends" would love. Actually, after seeing Courtney Cox in that new Counting Crows video, I wouldn 't be surprised to see one of them turn up associated with these guys, too. The only reason the Samples have achieved a measure of success as a band is because of the HORDE mentality they subscribe to. The people who follow any one of those bands are happ y to follow them all, which isn't very surprising, considering that anyone who listens to Dave Matthews can hardly be accused of being a discriminating listener.

Even if you've never laid eyes on Outpost, believe me, you've heard it all before. It's been done and done again and it never gets any better. If only there could be an intergalactic HORDE tour that would take some of these bands away, and bring back some thing new and interesting in exchange.

-Doug Levy