My least favorite Martian

Arizona Daily Wildcat photo courtesy of Disney Enterprises, Inc. The good news is there's life on Mars. The bad news is it's Christopher Lloyd.

If you thought nothing could be as painful as being alone on Valentine's weekend, you were wrong. "My Favorite Martian" would be perhaps the most painful experience of any self-respecting carbon-based life-form. One can leave the theater reaffirmed that "even though my ex-girlfriend just killed my pet rabbit, Jumbles, at least I can thank Christ I don't work for Disney."

Like many previous attempts to resurrect an ancient TV series, "My Favorite Martian" fails miserably, falling beneath the abysmal "Lost in Space" (which is saved only by its mesmerizing special effects) and "The Avengers" (which stayed afloat with beautiful British scenery and sophisticated costumes). "My Favorite Martian" cannot even claim mediocrity as its sets, costumes and effects are mind-crushingly bland. "Not to worry!" cries some random Disney exec, "this movie was made for children!" This may be a valid argument if said children were actually trained circus chimps, and below-average chimps at that. Children require intellectual nourishment. They need to be challenged to set the bar higher. This being so, the bar Disney has set is so low that a documentary about farting monkeys could raise it.

Indeed, the humor itself, which could have relied so heavily on the comedic stylings of Christopher Lloyd and Jeff Daniels, chose to fall back on shameless bathroom noises, insipid puns and childish insults. This movie should leave Lloyd and Daniels, as well as costars Elizabeth Hurley, Daryl Hannah and Wallace Shawn of "Princess Bride" fame rethinking their lives, much as my boyfriend and I did, sitting in that theater, the blunt plastic of our nachos container hovering millimeters over our wrists.