A tribute to ASUA's passing

Wildcat File Photo Arizona Daily Wildcat

ASUA, our confederacy of self-important imbeciles, has started to choke itself to death with its own nonsense. People have called for the abolition of ASUA, the restructuring of ASUA, for anything that would provide effective leadership and representation for the Associated Students of the University of Arizona. Instead we have a government so dysfunctional that it is dying in the only way representative governments can: Nobody wants to be a part of it.

Two key positions, administrative and executive vice-president, have exactly one candidate each. All other positions are suffering from the same anemic student interest, so much so that only the presidential election will necessitate a primary. Oh, and that one candidate for executive vice-president? She's a cheater.

It's okay though, because she learned her tricks from another cheater, the ASUA administrative vice-president, Mr. Ryan Rosensteel, who narrowly escaped a recall for his own indiscretions. The candidate, Viviane Safrin, sent out a series of campaign letters to residence halls, Greek houses, and other student organizations, well before the official start of campaigning. It's okay though, because ASUA has brought down the swift fury of its justice by sanctioning Ms. Safrin. Its brutal punishment? Ms. Safrin must wait an entire week before she can begin her campaign.

Oh, the suffering that she must be enduring! Knowing that 7 days without campaigning for AN UNCONTESTED SEAT must pass her by. Even when ASUA tries to be just, it insults the student body. Ryan Rosensteel is suffering the most, as he stated last week that "[If Viviane Safrin were to be punished] I would lose so much faith in the election process." Oh, the crushed faith of a cheater must be unbearable.

Every action of ASUA inspires contempt, and even its praise is lackluster. On Tara Taylor's reign, one ASUA senator could merely say, ""At least it wasn't as bad as past leadership, because it has been bad."

As reported last week in the Wildcat, a freshman "didn't even know she was president." That's something for the 'ol resume Tara! ASUA allocates funding for student programs, decides crucial matters affecting the student body, and sets long term project goals for the campus, and most students have no idea it exists.

The bottom line is that we, the students, have reached an all time low in terms of interest, participation, and even tolerance, of ASUA and its buffoonery. Happily, as the cycle of mediocrity and continues to spin, we can look forward to an empty ASUA office within just a few years, and hopefully a better system will emerge, powered by concerned, dedicated, and non-selfaggrandizing individuals. We most certainly could not get anything worse than what we already have.

However, if you must vote in this election, please vote Kurt Vonnegut for ASUA president. Or William H. Macy, who was really good in Fargo.

And as long as you're doing what I tell you, use Colgate brand toothpaste -it whitens and brightens!