An Albanian's view of Kosovo

It is rather boring to wake up every morning and, with a bowl of cereal in one hand and a remote control in the other, sit in front of the TV to watch your favorite cartoons. It is far more exciting to wake up amid warm and glowing flames of your burning house, which is surrounded by mighty Serbian tanks. Oh, the wonderful and smell of your little brother's melting corpse! Or, even more exciting, waking up by the joyous musical sounds of several MiG-29's flying over your roofless house; those Serb-flown nice toys make it most worthwhile waking up from pleasant dreams of your people being massacred in groups of 20,000 at a time.

That's how it is for us Albanians, who for centuries now have experienced the wonderful feeling of ethnic cleansing, conducted with much love, care and dedication by the Serbs.

Last months' displacement of more than 500,000 innocent Albanians by the mighty Serbian war machine and its killing of thousands more, deserves more compliments.

One must not forget the Serbian troops' hard work: Chasing thousands to remote, snow-covered mountains and slitting dozens of throats daily.

Serbia's modesty made them forcefully expel hundreds of foreign journalists. The expulsion of those journalists, who were trying to show the world how much passion the Serbs dedicate when massacring and ethnically cleansing Albanians from their homeland, speaks of Serbia's modesty when handling such fame-deserving deeds.

Unlike many others, who either agree or disagree with the NATO air strikes, I have come up with the best solution. Instead of using some 430 aircraft to stop the Serbian ethnic cleansing against Albanians, NATO should use those airplanes to drop flowers on Serbia's soil and decorate its skies with beautiful fireworks.

However, the United States should drop more flowers and launch more fireworks than the other NATO-member countries, because it yet has to make up for the hostility it showed against Serbia during the spectacular war in Bosnia. At that time, besides failing to commend the beautiful deeds of the Serbs, U.S. showed Serbia a great deal of bad attitude. The Serbian massacring of 250,000 innocent people, raping of 600,000 women and children, turning of 2 million civilians into refugees, and putting of 1.5 millions more in concentration camps during the Bosnia glamorous show, deserved a much warmer welcome. Also, the burying of thousands more, whose common graves yet remain to be discovered, deserves special recognition. Thanks to the careful planning of the Serbian troops and their leaders when burying those civilians, many of whom alive, the science of archeology became much more challenging and, therefore, interesting.

Fresh evidence is showing that soon enough the Serbian troops will displace hundreds of thousands more innocent Albanians and cut thousands more throats. However, if this happens before U.S. gets the chance to congratulate Serbia for its wonderful genocide, the Serbs will cherish the joy of a job well-done and therefore realize they are too good for U.S., Europe and the rest of the world.

Our daily lives will be so boring when we will no longer have access to Serbia's Olympic stadiums, where innocent young rascals are butchered daily and women are raped in front of their crucified husbands.

I guess, if we are entitled to face this great misfortune, we will have to go on about our boring daily lives, hoping that someday Serbia forgives us. And, perhaps, honors us by using its miraculous war machine to terminate us.

I already miss dancing in the fast rhythm of the Serbian troops' bombardment - vibrated by the steel-wheel rolling of their giant tanks, and the thrill of their soaked-in-blood boots' daily chase, somewhere in the snow-covered mountains of Kosovo.

And by the way, how's my 6-year-old brother's corpse cooking?!

Altin Alimehmeti
Print media senior
Pima Community College