Don't let your babies grow up to be these guys

Wildcat File Photo Arizona Daily Wildcat Jensen Karp

The segment analyzed the criminal behavior and records of our kids' recent mentors and suggested a process to help your offspring choose wholesome and moral sports stars to follow on and off the field.

Well, parents, I have decided to make your job a bit easier for you. I have created a reference list for when the family is watching ESPN or Fox Sports. It's composed of athletes your kids should not be cheering for, emulating or admiring. Basically, here are my top five athletes that mom and dad should keep away from their children:

1) Lawrence "L.T." Taylor - This retired football hero has a police record longer than Dirk Diggler. Keep the kiddies away from this demented linebacker, unless you want your precious pumpkins living the fast life of high-priced prostitutes and accessible cocaine. I still have no clue what message the NFL thinks they're conveying by inducted this blockhead into the Hall of Fame. The only place L.T. should be is on the Speedway median wearing an orange vest selling Tucson Citizens.

2) John Daly - Usually the golf fairway would be a prime setting for your children to select their athletic mentor, but not when the golfer is an overweight, white trash, long-haired alcoholic. This guy has spent so much time in rehab, he owns a timeshare at the Betty Ford Clinic. Not to mention his marriages are about as successful as his pitifully mediocre PGA tournament career. Have your children look up to this golfing goon and watch your kids wear "wife-beater" tank-tops and ruin their career doing body shots of 180 proof Schnapps chased with Keystone Light before tee-off.

3) Dexter Manley - Following this former NFL superstar's career is like watching an episode of "COPS." It was almost painful to watch this moron's attempts to gather nouns and verbs to create a post-game interview. It was as if he was reading Mad-Libs. Sure, he's pretty big and he could beat me up pretty good, but I'm just happy he can't read.

4) Babe Ruth - This one's not just a selection to my list, he's a member of the bad-boy Hall of Fame. This guy drank whiskey out of beer bongs. He smoked cigars, had sex with prostitutes more than his wife and ate steak bloodier than a Tarantino flick, then he'd go sign autographs for orphans. The Bambino was about as in shape as Ricki Lake in her "Hairspray" days and still will always be considered by some the best baseball player of all time.

5) Steve Howe - Howe was the granddaddy of all boneheads and the quintessential bad boy. A pitching pothead who was suspended indefinitely from Major League Baseball almost a dozen times. Right from his rookie year, this guy's future was about as negative as his drug tests. During a career that would make Robert Downey Jr. look "straight-edge," he was caught doing about every possible drug and was even busted for smoking pot

in the Dodgers' bullpen. He was a true master of "high" heat, so make sure you keep the kiddies away from this strung-out psycho because he's about as child-friendly as John Wayne Gacy.

Jensen Karp is a sophomore majoring in journalism. He can be reached at Jensen.Karp@wildcat.arizona.edu.